G-FORCE!

Hero: wow!

Justice: I liked at the ending when the mole turned nice.

Jupiter: The mole was DISCUSTING, but the guinea pigs where so CUTE!

James: @*&%$#!!@$$%(&*#%!

Mama: I had nothing to do with it.

Monster House

Mama: I first saw this in the theater, not the greatest date movie, by the way. James, then age 5 (now Justice's age) wanted to see it so bad he couldn't stand it, but I decided it was just to intense for him. It should be too intense for Justice at the same age, right? But I've gone soft and lenient as a Mom, so I let the kids watch this on "Kids Movie Night" (with me cooking in the other room.) Occasionally I would call to them, "Is it too scary, guys? Should I turn it off?" and the answer, even from 5-year-old Justice was resoundingly, "No."

Justice (age 5): Good. I liked at the end when the doggie peed on the jack-o-lantern. I also liked the monster house. And I liked when the monster house ate the Police. And I liked when Nebbercracker ripped up the little girls bike. I'm D.J. because I like his hair and his striped shirt. It was a turtleneck.

Jupiter:It was okay. It wasn't my favorite, because the guy was so mean because of his wife. And I didn't really--the movie just wasn't my favorite. It needed more animals, Like dogs.

James:(age 9):It was ausome beacouse it looked aousome inside the house, and my favrote part was when they fought the monster house. And I think Chowder (on the left) was kind of funny.


(Hero):Good.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs: 3 stars

Jupiter (age 5) *** Three. I liked it when it was the jello part, when the went into the jello, because it was bouncy. I didn't like the chicken part, 'cause it was scary because Baby Brent got aten..

Justice (age 3) ***** Fifty stars. (I liked) when it rained ice cream 'cause it was different colors. And when it rained hot dogs 'cause it was pretty.

James (age 7) ***** Five stars. I liked the man-eating fried chickens, but it was scary when they ate Baby Brent. And when the Dad kept messing up with the computer and the mouse when Flynn (Flint?) told him to move the mouse and he always mess up. In the beginning all the villagers could eat sardines and they got disgusted and Flynn made an invention to make water into food, and that saved the villagers. In the middle the food started getting bigger and bigger. There was spaghetti and meatball tornado and the meatballs were the size of a doorway and everything got spaghetti all over it and Flynn threw himself away because he felt bad for himeslf. He threw himself away with all of his other inventions, which he thought were dumb. In the end he invented a rocket car and he went up into outer space to a gigantic meatball. That was where all the food came from and the man-eating turkeys attacked and ate Baby Brent and then he became Chicken Brent. At the very end, at a part I don't like, Sam and Flynn kissed. Disgusting. And I liked the gigantic ice cream. And when Flynn got in trouble with the police officer. That police officer said, "I want my son to grow up to be good," and Flynn turned and the son of the police officer was so small. That part was really funny. And there was a sad part when Flynn made it rain meat at the restaurant to surprise his dad because his dad's favorite thing was meat and the meats were getting big so the dad didn't want to eat it and he left the restaurant. I want to keep writing and writing and writing because I have so much to say.

Adam: * I liked how the Popi had no eyeballs. I liked the monkey translator, but the food made me want to barf. Especially the fountains of liquid nacho cheese.

Stephanie: * One star. This movie was almost intolerable except for a few cute moments, like the monkey translator. Overall the script went on forever, with one grotesque scene after another. It was an endurance test for adults. As for the kids: they loved it. Loved it.

Nausicaa: 4 1/2 *

James(age 7): *****5 stars. "I liked the Ohmu. I like the stampede of Ohmu. And I liked all the giant warriors attacking the city. I liked this better than "Totoro" because there was a lot of fighting and all the war. I liked it when Nausicaa's friend and Nausicaa found out when that city had a big battle and there were bugs lying everywhere and there were two dead ohmu. In the beginning she saw an ohmu shell and she cut the eye off to use it for materials, and the king died. And in the middle the soldiers took her away and that's when they started the war. And in the end they had a really big war and they brought out the baby giant warrior but it wasn't ready yet, so it just melted. And in the very very end the Ohmu stampede all got calm and the legend came true. And I liked the warrior that fought at the war. And I liked it when the sword master stuck a knife to a warrior's neck. And the warrior said nothing but 'This guy is tough.' I really loved the movie."

Jupiter (age 5): *****5 stars. "I liked that baby fox-squirrel. And I liked the glider. And I liked the baby Ohmu. I was scared when the giant lava warrior fighted. I didn't like it and it was mean. My favorite part was when she saved the baby ohmu. Nausicaa is bigger than an Ohmu. I liked it when she saved the baby Ohmu. I liked it when she was guiding the Ohmu back to the jungle."

Justice (age 3): *****5 stars. "Sixty eight. I gave it sixty-eight. I liked the baby Ohmu. And I liked the sword fighting."

Mama: ****4 stars. I can't believe how totally absorbed the kids were in this movie. Justice, who has danced and done acrobatics through almost every movie night in the past few months, sat raptly on Adam's lap, occasionally saying something like, "Where is the creature who left that shell?" Or "I don't trust that guy." James' eyes were alight when swarms of multi-eyed giant beatle monsters began their rampage. And thank goodness Princess Nausicaa had a pet fox-squirrel who went with her everywhere, so that Jupiter was engaged as well.

I did not like "Spirited Away" or "Totoro" so I didn't plan on enjoying this too much. Those stories however were much more whimsicial and episodic, and I must admit I have a Western aesthetic where there's a pay-off for everything. Also, people rave about the Miyazaki's animation, but I don't get it. Everything's gorgeously painted and fantastical, but characters don't even blink, movements are often jerky and there are huge sequences of stills where no one moves and you feel like they're skimping on the animation. And my uncanny valley gag reflex kicked in everytime Lord Yupa was on screen--he had a huge beard with no mouth, and it was wrong, just wrong, the way he spoke and that hair tumor on his face didn't move.

But..."Nausicaa" really was engaging! I found myself surprised at how I was drawn into the story, how the patience of the storytelling served to make me interested, instad of feeling the impatient distance I felt when watching "Totoro." The world was fascinating, a beautiful poinsonous, apocalyptic landscape full of marvel and danger. Who couldn't be delighted by all of those glider and airplane scenes? And Nausicaa was bold and fearless, constantly in motion saving everyone, the kind of Princess I'm happy to show to my girls.


Popi:

Hotel for Dogs: 3 stars

Justice: (age 3) * It's about dogs who live in a hotel. This move is too long.
Jupiter (age 5) ***** It was about them (the brother and sister) creating their family with dogs. w

James (age 7) *****In the beginning the brother and sister tried to a sell a rock for $20 to get money in packaging so everyone thought it was a cell phone. And in the middle the police were chasing them and the dog hid in a hotel and the brother and the sister followed Friday into the deserted hotel. And there were two other dogs int he hotel and the kids got scared but it turned out just to be a little pug and then Friday said in doggie language that it wanted to live there. And in the end they were getting arrested for the last time but then Bernie said that "Don't arrest them," and then the police didn't. And at the very end they got adopted. I liked it when the foster parents went down the poop pipe and the foster mother said, "Where are we?" and the foster dad said, "We're in deep doo doo." And when the foster parents were in the deserted hotel the sheep chased them and the eyes were glowing and they got scared and the sheep's eyes were gowing red, but it was really just a dog ride.

Mama: *** This was perfectly watchable, with fun supporting roles from Lisa Kudrow and Kevin Dillon as the head-banger foster parents. For the first five minutes of the movie Pat and I were convinced we'd already seen it, but I think that's just because "Hotel for Dogs" had a Disney set-up that we've seen before, only with Killer Whales substituting for dogs. As such, I cried in the predictable place, right when Don Cheadle, as the orphan's social worker, speaks on behalf of all strays, and decides to adopt the brother and sister, and their dog. Though I saw this move coming from page 10 of the script, it still made me weep. Some people would be angered at the blatent emotional manipulation that takes place in such Disney movies, but me, I'm just relieved it wasn't "Hotel Rwanda" I was weeping at. At least with "Hotel for Dogs," you get to brush your tears away and put the kids to bed with a vague commitment to get your pure-bred poodle from from a shelter, not a breeder.

Holes: ****1/4 stars

Adam: Seen it before. So I got a good nap. Holes was screened, because of lazy parenting. We showed the kids an old used movie instead of getting them a fresh one. I recuse myself from the star rating system.

Stephanie: *****(5 stars) It's true Holes was available for free at the library, but haven't our Netflix pix lately (Herbi, Herbie Fully Loaded) gone south? Adam and I did see this movie 6 years ago--I can't remember why, but I remembered it as being cute, and I remember liking Patricia Arquette in it. Sure enough, it WAS a really good movie, and yes, I loved Patricia Arquette all over again, with her dreamy sadness. There was also comic supporting roles for John Voight, Henry Winkler, Sigourney Weaver and Tim Blake Nelson ("O Brother Where Art Thou") as well as cameos from Rick Foxx and Eartha Kitt and a film debut for Shia LaBeouf, who I think its kinda adorable. The plot hinges on a hundred-year-old act of violence and I needed to tell the kids they might want to close their eyes as the lynch-mob gathers. James did, Jupiter didn't, and they're more or less unscathed, with a little history lesson about race relations thrown in. I think some of the interconnectedness of three storylines that span 150 years was lost on the kids, but the setting, a Juvenile detention camp, complete with orange jumpsuits in the middle-of-nowhere-Texas was fascinating to them. The hierarchy and violence of such a place was shown without ever being genuinely horrifying. James was locked in suspense. Justice liked the lizards. They all got up the next morning and watched it again, the true test of whether a movie engages them or not. It was a long movie though. The kids sdin't get to bed till 10 pm.

James (age 7): ***** "Fifteen stars. When the guy asked, "Why don't you teach this shovel how to read, what does D. I. G. spell?' And then Hector hits him on the head and says, 'Dig!' and the boss lady comes and pours water all over him. " I peeked a little at the scary parts.

Jupiter (age 5):** (I assigned Jupiter's star rating based on her detached countenance, but willingness to watch the movie the next morning.) "Why didn't it have any dogs in it? The next movie we get, can it have dogs?"

Justice (age 3): ***** "Sixty stars. I liked it when they dug holes."

Herbie Fully Loaded: 2 1/2 stars

James (age 7): **** 4 stars. "I liked the crashes and I liked the car smash when they were going to bomb the cars with other cars."

Jupiter (age 5): ** 2 stars. "Next time can we see a dog movie?"

Justice (age 3): asleep ten minutes into the movie.

Grandma Pat: * 1/2 stars. "One thousand percent predictable, the actors were not very attractive or charming but you couldn't help but root for the car. So formulaic, it was almost unbearable. Maybe it's a one and a half. No imagination. What was Disney thinking? I don't think kids need to be exposed to formulaic movies. I think they can handle the creativity."

Adam: ** 1/2 Two-and-a-half stars. "I don't know if I'm qualified (to rate the movie) since I missed the whole first street race. (napping) The plot did hum along nicely even though I didn't know who was whom. It was your typical Disney kitchen sink movie, made by committee. What do we have the rights to--that we don't have to aquire. Who do we have under contract, even a has-been like Michael Keaton. Lo-and-behold Matt Dillon owes us one. His agent tries to break it ten times--but no deal. Fill in the holes with nobodies for cheap labor. We'll make a female lead so it'll appeal to moms, but we'll make her inept so it doesn't threaten men. Spread sheets say, even if it goes straight to DVD in America, it'll be a hit in the Phillipines, the Yucatan Peninsula and Liberia. The Ukraine is touch-and-go--in the end it earns out. Lindsay Lohan has charm and her chest enthralled me. I liked the way they kind of hid it..."
(at this point I informed Adam about some claims I've read on several websites and in a few magazines, about the nature of Lindsay Lohan's chest...)
Adam: "Okay, now that I know her chest isn't real, that hits it hard.
Matt Dillon, though, was a good villain. You can tell he enjoyed it. Dangle (Thomas Lennon from Reno 911 ) was good every minute they gave him, and they didn't employ him enough. I didn't hate it and it wasn't completely boring. The missing half hour--the part that I slept through, I'm going to assume that some of the movie's charisma resided there.

Mama: *** I give this three stars because there was no pain involved for me. There was a tedious quality to watching new characters come to accept that Herbie is sentient--it seems like we could just skip that step at this point. But I liked Cheryl Hines and Thomas Lennon who should have had been given bigger roles, once the committee who wrote the script realized what comic talent had been cast. And I must admit, part of what kept me from being bored was watching Lindsay Lohan. Adam's right, it was nearly impossible to keep from looking at those breasts of hers, hanging off her wisp of a figure. I can't help but like her. She has an endearing everygirl quality in her movies, even when she's phoning it in.

The Love Bug ( ** 1/2 stars)

James (age 7): *****. "Five stars. That guy (Buddy Hackett) was hilarious. He liked Herbie so much. I liked it when the bear got in the car. And the guy driving the red car didn't notice. And it was funny when they won the race and it took until night time and they had a huge wheel from a monster truck and those teeny teeny tiny wheels and missing one wheel."

Jupiter (age 5): ***. "Three stars. You know why? I liked the part where the dogs got in the car. It was funny when all the dogs hopped on Herbie. And I liked it when they went down the mine. I really want to go on Thunder Mountain again next time we go to Disney World. I didn't like it because all the fat guy cared about was Herbie. That was mean. He didn't really care about other people except for Herbie."

Justice (age 3): **. "Thirteen. Actually 2 years old. I liked when those guys in Herbie the car got two lost wheels. I didn't like when the bear got in the car. Because they're wild."

Adam: * 1/2. "One and a half stars. Talk about not standing the test of time. It had the production value of a Gilligan's Island episode--fast motion, painted backdrops, zany slapstick music to cue humor that isn't there. Sount effects, whistles,and pops and boings. It's probably those noises I was responding to as a kid, because I've discovered there's no humor there. Maybe they were trying to appeal to both kids and adults. Now when they do that, they make a great kid's movie with adult subtext. Was I as an adult supposed to care about this washed-up race car driver sunk low? Who wanted nothing more...not a sympathetic character. It makes me afraid of all of those other movies I liked as a kid--"The Cock-eyed Cowboys of Calico County," "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." This was clearly a vehicle for Buddy Hackett to be zany as a sidekick, and that part of it worked. And I guess you have the cardboard-cutout villian, and that worked I suppose. But you had a main character who wanted nothing. And why did that chick like him? We should have seen the scene with her and her therapist, or at least her girlfriends. "What do you see in this race car driver? Remember how the pro-surfer treated you?" It depended on the inherent cuteness of the Volkswagon vehicle itself, because they didn't do anything to make him cuter. Buddy Hackett could have put a furry dash mat on him, and he could have lifted it like eyebrows, or he could have moved his windshield wipers once for No, but nothing. It could have been so simple and dare I say, creative.

Mama: *. "I almost gave this two stars, but I've realized on Family Movie Night, nostalgia counts for nothing, when the true nature of a movie is revealed to my more discerning adult eye. This had elements of a love story, the race car driver searching in the San Francisco fog for the spurned car to heavy violins. (When Herbie went out onto the Golden Gate bridge, Adam and I gave each other nervous looks, and sure enough, Herbie tried to, eek, commit suicide over the race car driver's rejection.) And why did Herbie fall in love with this jerk? A washed-up character can be the best kind, and funny too. If I was Herbie, I'd fall in love with the Dude instead of this guy. Also lots of shouting in this movie. "They're being really mean to each other," Jupiter said about our male and female leads. And in the final race sequence, when after twenty minutes, they announced the SECOND leg of the race would start the next day, and we checked the DVD counter against the movie's length ( 1:48) I said, and we still had 20 more minutes of movie, I said, "Anyone want to go to bed?"
"Me," Jupiter said.
"Me," Justice said.

Chicken Run, **** four stars

James (age 7!) ***** 5 stars: In the movie the chickens tried to think of ways to get out of the fence. In the end they made an airplane. (I'm asking James to start summarizing movies to work on his skills as a critic.) I liked the farmer and the evil farmer's wife. Every week if they don't lay any eggs the chickens die.

Jupiter (age 5) ****4 stars: I liked it when it was funny when it was the middle of the movie and this friend was going down the pie machine.

Justice (age 3) ***** (sixteen stars) I liked the part when that mean girl wanted to eat them. I liked the chicken part. It was funny when that mean girl just standed there. That was totally funny. I liked when the orange chicken got separated from the mean guy, from the other chickens and I gave it one, two, three, four five, sixteen. I gave it sixteen. (Justice stayed awake to watch the whole movie last night, AND watched the entire movie the next morning.)

Adam: Right around 4 stars ****
It turned out to be a cute movie. It took a while to get moving. The focus was a little far away for the opening. Somehow in the Wererabbit movie you really feel it, the lightening and the rain, the close-ups on Grommit's eyes. The labor involved--there were many scenes where there were 20 dancing chickens, and you just can't concieve of what it takes to make a single second of that, with 24 frames per second.

Mama: **** 4 stars. Though we knew how adorable Aardman's other movies were--Wallace and Grommitt, Flushed Away--Adam and I weren't completely looking forward to Chicken Run. He even brought a pillow for his neck, in case he fell asleep. But the marvel of stop-motion instantly draws you in, the lighting, the gravel of the dirt road. It's just so lush. Also the facial expressions in claymation are so endearing! And finally I get what I wanted, a movie with a female star. Why more animated movies don't do this, I don't know. Thank you, Chicken Run, for giving us Ginger, an indomitable heroine, Steve McQueen in a bonnet, who takes all the risks herself, even though there's a Mel Gibson-voiced rooster around. The Rooster comes to Ginger's aid (I wouldn't quite say rescue) a couple of times, but she's the one to dangle out of an airplane, risking Mrs. Tweedy's ax, to cut the string of Christmas lights and send the evil Mrs. Tweedy to her fate.
I'll bet Ginger even did all of her stunts herself.

Mrs. Doubtfire ****4 stars

James: (age 6 1/2) ***** 5 stars I like it when the fire truck rolled on the mask.

Jupiter: (age 5) **** It was funny when Mrs. Doubtfire, when the kids were watching her across the street and when the mask fell out of the window and the truck rolled over it. There was a part when Mrs. Doubtfire had to go pee pee and the teenager boy went to the bathroom and looked at her as a boy.

Justice: (age 3 1/2) 13 stars.

Adam: It seemed like they developed this movie as a vehicle for Robin William's manic voices and personae--the talking dinosaurs and the opening sequence with the cartoon character, but actually once Pierce Brosnan came into the picture, Robin Williams began to act and you could see that there was a sad and bitter dad hiding under the surface of a doting congenial English matron, and that combination, which was acting, really worked. I think Robin Williams didn't trust himself, or the producers didn't trust him to carry a movie, but as long as he's not the lead, and he's acting, his career has gone well. He played the creepy film development guy in one movie and the killer in that Dinero movie, and did well with both of those. The result is that the first 45 minutes was a long Robin Williams set-up that didn't play well. The middle hour of the movie was Mrs. Doubtfire. She was great. Though the movie was done in '93 it looked like it was done in '83, with all the poufy hair, earth tones and bad sweaters. I have to add that Sally Field, as a real actress, carried the day. The moment she discovered the true identity of Mrs. Doubtfire was amazing. She must have said the same line five times--was it, "You're kidding me," and each time she said it, it was different. First shock, then disbelief, then it was anger, then it was violation when she realized she'd confided in him, and then the last one was hopeless resignation. I mean she carried it off. She really did it.

Grandma Pat:*** 3 1/2 stars. I like the way the dad was very caring. This is Robin Williams at his sweet best, playing a dad who loves his children. You don't see that often in the movies. Even Pierce Brosnan was a character you could care for. Everybody in this movie was sympathetic. There were no bad guys. You could have empathy for everybody.

Mama: **** 5 stars. I prepped the kids before the movie that the beginning might be sad, because a Mama and Popi "break up" (the term they know from all of the high school movies we watch) and get divorced, and did they think they could handle that to get to the Mrs. Doubtfire part? Yeah, sure, of course, James said. Well, it turns out I was the one who got all weepy, and Jupiter reached her hand up to block my eyes--just like I did for her when the leopard seal attacked Max in "Eight Below."

Dr. Doolittle 3 (.5 stars)

James: (age 6) 0 stars. It's not really Dr. Dolittle. It's really just a teenager that goes toa ranch and that's the end.
Adam: Zero stars. (No this isn't sweet hearted Amazon where even the worst dreck gets a single star. No. Zero.) This canned ham was a shameless, greedy, ugly gremlin of a movie. Its prequel, Dr. Dolittle had been moderately entertaining, had star charisma and writers who knew how to push kids buttons--with farts and talking animals. This thing however did nothing to deserve the title Dolittle--this movie does bad trade on our desires to see a decent movie based on the previous one. It bore no relation to the original movie. It had none of the original characters. What we got instead of a Eddie Murphy movie was --it was just a tired shameless retread of an already cliche genre of the summer camp movie. Worse than an after-school-special and more obvious than a knock-knock joke and less exciting than a narcoleptic. Oh God, that fucking movie.

Mama: 1 star. This movie felt like a rip-off the entire time. Even the sets of the family home were different. Eddie Murphy obviously wanted nothing to do with it. His character, the Dr. Dolittle of the film titles, was always off stage, or on the other end of the telephone call we the audience can't hear. They traded out the actress playing the daughter from the first two Dolittle movies as well. Only the mother character remained the same (I can't blame her for signing on to this--pickings are slim for 40 year old bi-racial actresses of Hollywood. Halle Berry owns that territory and even she's not getting work.) The scenes in a San Francisco high school had no sense of place, as if the committee of L.A. execs writing this movie had no idea that the public schools of San Francisco might not be populated with snotty queen bees in white tank tops. I believe the black hoodie is the accessory of choice in San Francisco. The actress they came up with for this was cute at least, maybe a pop star I've never heard of, because she gets to sing a song--I guess it's not enough to have a super power for talking to animals, you have to be a singer as well. My most delighted moment was when she showed up at cowboy camp wearing red cowgirl boots and a bright red cowgirl shirt. "Mama would look foxy in that outfit," I announced to everyone. Most disappointing of all was the lack of sexual tension. Why else watch a teen movie? I'm one of those twilight moms--why else watch a teen movie? Give me some vampires and werewolves at this cowboy camp, please.

Eight Below, 5 stars!

James: (age 6) ***** I liked it when the leopard seal was chasing Max. Remember when there was the reflection of that beautiful stuff in the sky (northern lights) and they were chasing it on the ground?

Jupiter: (age 5)***** Eight below was 7 stars. I liked the dogs. I liked it when the owner got the dogs back.

Justice (age 3) *****I gave it 7. I think I liked the guy who got bitten. Mama you know what I liked about it? I liked it when the orca bit the dog. A orca came up and James spilled his candy.

Mama: *****This was a five star family movie. I loved the icescapes, and seeing how a dog team works. The human stories and the dog stories were both engaging, and though they could have edited out 15 minutes or so (it was a full two hours) I felt the pacing was good. There was lots of genuine tension as so many of the situations were life and death. I don't tend to be too interested in man-against-nature things, but dog-against-nature, now that's gripping stuff. The leopard seal scene--wow, we all jumped at that one. James even dropped his gummy bears all over himself. Justice let me cover her eyes. Usually they fight that kind of thing. Of course I had some complaints about how the female character was scripted. At least she wasn't a generic girlfriend back at the base, waiting on her man to grow up--she was a cool, sexy pilot and not waiting around for anyone. But still, I just wanted more in the dialogue of what was hinted at--that she was attracted to Jerry, but until he matured, it was just a flirtation. I guess I wanted her to be a truth-teller a little bit, not just supportive. These are petty complaints though. It was an awesome action movie with great relationships, breathtaking scenery, a good story and even a cool tough, Native American actress, thank you very much! All in all a five star family movie.

Adam: *****Very tight script. No wasted details--everything returns to matter, from the fissures in the ice, to the mention of the leopard seal to the photograph of the Italian girlfriend. For an animal movie the human central character was done pretty well. It could have been really one dimensional: a guy really loves dogs. But everyone in the movie was right--human life is more important than dog life, and they were right to leave the dogs behind, and our character's problem was that he was angry at everyone for allowing that to happen, but he needed to come to see that his exceptional love for dogs was unique and that other people didn't share it. He had to come to terms with that on his own. Once he did, he decided on his own to go rescue the dogs because he would be ill at ease until he knew their fates and had done honor to their service to him. Then everyone joins him on his quest for the right reason, which is they go for him, their friend, not the dogs. It could have lost fifteen minutes of fat in the soul-searching middle. And even though I knew something really scary was about to happen I still had a gummy-bear dropping jolt.

The Pink Panther 2

Spoilers ahead.
James: (age 6 1/2) *****
I think the funniest part was when Inspect Clouseau's gaurd told Inspector Clouseau not to beat up children and call them piglets.
Jupiter: (age 5) *****Pink Panther stars. The funniest part was the man in the tutu.
Justice: (age 3) "Mommy you know how many stars I give it?" She ticks of four fingers. ****

Mama: 5 stars*****
Okay, so this was the funniest comedy I've seen in a while. I was instantly laughing hysterically at Steve Martin's slapstick, as Inspector Clouseau tried to give a parking ticket to a man who proceeds to put his windshield wipers on. Jupiter may have been infected by my hilarity, but she was laughing almost as hard. The plot is the most basic of heist plots, and it only needed a little bit of explaining to the kids at the end of the movie. "Mama, was the girl in the red dress the Tornado?" Jupiter asked.
"No honey, she was pretending to be the Tornado, stealing the diamond, then making it look like the Tornado did it."
"Ohhhh! I get it," James said.
Anyway, who really needs much of a plot in a movie like this--so long as it's full of Steve Martin's sight gags. The supporting cast was delightful. The whole movie was a romp. On Netflix everyone gave it fewer stars than the original The Pink Panther. I give it more.

Adam: *****I haven't heard my old lady laugh that hard in a long time. Not since a Jackie Chan movie when we lived in Mountain View. It was more nimble than the first one and they let John Cleese and Steve Martin off the hook. I loved the moment when James was sure he solved it. He was like "I figured it out!" It's such a great premise, really that the biggest bumbling detective in the world is also a great detective. A little bit of hubris and arrogance, when he acts like he's better than other people Clouseau's really sweet. The bad accents were so funny. Clouseau was a little less puritanical, and you could tell he did have a libido. He's way more funny that way, if he actually does have desires. That opening sight gag, with about giving a ticket to the guy who turns his windsheild wipers on was really good.

Treasure Island

James: 5 *: five stars.  I liked it when Blackdog gave the pirate the black dot and he said, "You have until ten tonight," and then when the pirates came he was dead.  And I liked it when Jim found out that his friend Long John Silver was a pirate. And I liked it when Long John Silver stole gold from the Treasure Island. I liked it when the pirate fell from the rigging to the deck. And it was funny when Ben Gunn was eating cheese and then Long John Silver whacked him on the head with a bat and put some rum right next to him and then Jim came over and said "How did this guy fall over?" and Silver was like, "I don't know." It was also good when the pirates dug in the wrong place. 

Jupiter: 2 stars. I didn't like the pirates. I didn't like it when they used guns and swords. The only girl in the movie was the mother of Jim.  I did like the lizard and the parrot. That's all I have to say about it.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

James (age 6):  ***** I liked the part when they said, "No human has come out alive from this cave."  And then the boulder chased him.  And when the monkey took a date and he was laying on the floor dead. And when the Nazi's were digging in the wrong spot and Indiana Jones was digging in the right spot.  And he said, "Why is this floor moving?" And Indiana Jones said, "Snakes." And then he went down to the ground and fighted off the snakes with fire, and that cobra was about to strike at his face, and then he went over tot eh ark and brang it up to where the Nazi's were and then the Nazi's carried it to their place.  And I liked that truck scene, when that Nazi was driving the truck and Indiana Jones took over the front seat and then this other guy, he jumped in feet first and kicked indiana Jones out of the truck and then Indiana Jones went and kicked him out of the truck and off the cliff.  I did not like the way there were too many scary parts and the way it was like, we had to close our eyes, for like, I don't know how long.  How many minutes? I liked when that Nazi was trying to get the diamond on the necklace but it burned his hand and made that marking.  And when those guys with bows and arrows were waiting at the end of the cave and Indiana Jones was coming out of the cave and they stole the gold idol with words.

Jupiter: *** I wish there was less fighting, less trucks and less bleeding.

Justice: *** Three stars.  Snakes.  I liked the snake part.   And the scary part and the bloody part.  The bloody skeleton part.

Mama:  This movie held up!  I loved it as a kid, and with reason, I now realize.  It's gripping from beginning to end.  This time around I spent a lot of time watching my kids watch the movie, and their faces showed how the action possessed them, how the movie owned them.  What a pleasure to be so enrapt in the action, the tension of a chase scene--the relief when Indy's safe (though not for long!)  As an adult the scene where Indy decides NOT to save Marion really took me by surprise.  He's that kind of action hero, for whom securing the treasure is more important than saving the girl.  And when the girl doesn't get saved, she has to be left to her own devices, which is much more interesting. As for Marion, I always loved her as a kid, and was sorry the later movies wrote her out. Indy's utter ambivalence to her actually made for some good chemistry.  I could have done with less truck stunts, and the airplane fight scene had no purpose in terms of plot or character, but Harrison Ford is adorable as Indiana Jones, and the adventure is non-stop.

Grease ***

James: (age 6) ***** Five stars. I liked it when Danny was mean to Sandy in front of his friends. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When the girl poured her pink drink on that guy. Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah. When they mooned and showed their butts in their air in the middle of the dance. Juepy, Jupey, you kknow what they did? (James shows Jupiter what mooning is.) They pulled down their pants and showed their boutts in the middlle of the dance.

Jupiter: (age 4) *** I don't know. High School musical 1 and 3 were better. Grease was boring.

Justice: (age 3) (fidgeted throughout, then went to bed.) Fun.

Popi:**Horrible sound for a musical, and bad sound mixing. The dialogue was fast light banter which you could never hear over the tinny, canned reverb sountrack. And the two stars were for Travolta only. If this had been a dramatic monoogue from Travolta singing all of the songs nad playing all of the girls, I would have given it five stars. Just as a side note, it was sad to see Jeff Conway as such a vital energetic young man, knowing that he was going to become broken, addled and addicted, in a wheelchair. How could you do drugs after watching "Celebrity Rehab?" It's true the kids were tired, but all three fell asleep. James was dying to sleep through Duma, but he pressed on. There were only two decent musical numbers. What was the decent writing? Is there a memorable line? The line I remember from years ago, is Rizzo's line, "I feel like a defective typewriter. I skipped a period." What other line would it have been. It makes me not cringe so much when Shwarzennegger has "the line," or Bruce Willis has "the line." It's weird for a movie to not leave a single line of dialogue in your head. The best song was "Summer Nights" where they did a cross cut-- one was filled on the bleachers and the other was the girls at the picnic table, instead all these crane shots that completely lacked energy. One of the shots from the musical in the finale was a camera man going over the ferris wheel, like filming them from space or something. Band stand's coming, this is going to be good, but those dances numbers were lame. The guys moon the camera, right out of American Graffitti. It seemed

Mama: ** John Travolta had it! I can see why he catapulted to stardom. He exudes charisma and humor, his hips were made for gyrating and there's something about the glitter in his eye suggesting a personal complexity that gives added depth to a fluffy role. Adam and I spent an hour on the imdb after the movie, marvelling at John Travolta's resume which reveals a pattern of breakout role, then bad decision after bad decision leading to obscurity, including the notable "Staying Alive," directed by Sylvester Stallone, and "Battlefield Earth" but also ten per decade you've never heard of. As for "Grease" I have to say I was absolutely distracted by all of the thirty and forty year old high school students. They had to cast the principal and coach as 70 year olds to make all of those other middle aged actors look like juniors and seniors. Travolta himself looked 24, undeniably a man with a five o'clock shadow, so they must have had to cast the other characters older.  Overall this was disappointing, in terms of acting, music and story.  I'm sorry about how much it shaped my sense of what high school would be like.  As a family movie I would recommend the delightful High School Musical over Grease, hands down.

Beethoven 4 1/2*

Popi:***1/2 It was delightful to hear the kids laugh out loud and to watch them be rivetted to this movie. I know that when my own storytelling lags, I'm just going to add lots of dog-slaughter. It's got everything a kids movie needs: clear-cut villian with thick glasses, goofy, incompetant sidekicks and a big shaggy dog.
Mama: **** This worked out as a good family movie, with a few treats for the adults in terms of humor and character as well lots of doggie good times for the kids. 
Jupiter: ***** e stars
James: *****5 stars.  It was funny when those dognappers captured dogs and made them fight each other and then dogs all escaped and ran out of the place and the dognappers chase after them and the dogs went so far that the dognappers just gave up.
Justice: *****Google stars. I like the Obama part.

Karate Kid **** 1/2

Jupiter: *** Karate Kid would go for three.

James: ***** I liked it.  When he got in an accident with the bullies on the motorcycles and got in an accident on his bike. And when he couldn't do karate and the bullies could. And that's what I liked.  And I liked it when he was wearing sunglasses and his Mother was like, "Show those brownies," and he took off his glasses and underneath he had a black eye from the bullies.

Mama: ***** I couldn't believe what a good movie this was--so sweet.  I loved the Mom character, and Ralph Maccio was really adorable--good-hearted with lots of fight to him. And of course Mr. Miyagi.  This movie was life changing for James.  He now goes to Karate class twice a week and walks around the house shouting, "Sir, yes sir."  

High School Musical 3

James (age 6) **** 1/2. "Same as last time. Four and a half stars. My favorite part was when they broke up. Hmmm." (James fell asleep at the very end of the movie.)
Jupiter (age 4) ***** "Google stars." This rating is a little bit suspect. Jupiter ran around in circles with Justice for most of the movie. She did stop, and go back to Popi's lap when song and dance number came on, announcing, "Wait. I want to hear the song." About halfway through the movie, she went upstairs with Popi and Justice to roughhouse.
Justice (age 3) After eating her gummi bears, Justice ran circles around the room for the first 45 minutes of the movie. Non-stop.
Mama: We immediately knew this movie was a mistake. But no matter how bad this movie was, that didn't stop me from getting weepy during the parts I was supposed to get weepy during. Instead of giving me a sense of satisfaction, that I had really felt and experienced something, it made me sure I'm easily manipulated.

The Story of the Weeping Camel: **** 1/2 (four-and-a-half stars)

James (age 6): **** 4 stars. There was a funny part. One little four year old kid asked for television. And his Grandpa told him a story, and he was like, "Uh, Grandpa, can you tell me a different story, I already heard this." And the Grandpa just walked away, and didn't tell him another story. There was a gross gross part that I really wanted to be over with, and didn't want to see. It was when the baby camel was born. Oh, there was that other gross part. When they cut off the fur of the mama camel, that was really gross, because we saw the flesh under-the-fur part and it was really gross and slimy. That's it. There was another funny part. At somebody else's house when the little four-year-old kid snuck and didn't eat his dinner, and just watched the television. And then, when he got his television in the end.

Jupiter (age 4): *****5 stars. Can we keep this movie forever? I just liked it. The baby camel.

Justice (age 2): *****5 stars. (Justy snoozed through the first half of the movie.) Ta ta. That means "five stars."

Popi:***** 5 stars. I thought it was an adorable documentary. The filmmakers really let the subjects be. There was no narrative or voice-over, no sense that the cameras were intruding in the subjects' lives. Most of the shots were long and sustained, often of the environment, which taught you to cast a patient, thoughtful eye over this four generation family in the Gobi desert. The scene in which they played the music to the camels was truly magical. I think it's an over used word, but it felt like magic had transpired.

Mama: ***** 5 stars. They should call this the story of the weeping Mama because that's what I did. I loved watching this beautiful family live their lives.

While the kids were in the baths tonight, Jupiter said, "Mama, some families don't have sinks."
"Well, Jupey," James added, "Some families don't have houses."
Jupiter mused over it and then said, "Some families don't have baths."

I've been working on instilling appreciation in them for every little luxury we have and it's sinking in in it's own way. It seemed fitting that fifteen minutes after the kids baths, with them bundled up in their robes and slippers, we watched a movie about a family that doesn't have sinks or bathtubs--we even see the young son get his bath in a metal tub.

So strange how I envied their uncluttered lives. I must admit,when the family sends for a musician to come play his violin, so the mother camel would stop rejecting her baby, I chalked it up as a ritual akin to the grateful tossing of milk east, west, south and north, or the laying of foodstuffs on a ritual altar in the middle of the desert. I didn't expect what happened next. This documentary left me marveling at the interconnectedness of humans and animals, and mothers and babies, as well as the universality of music and emotion. I just couldn't get over what an amazing film this was, and I loved experiencing it with my kids. The little boy in the documentary does get his TV in the end. It would be easy to think of that as a corrupting influence on that families sweet, pastoral existence--but I'm the one with the Mom-blog about movies, and family night in front of the TV.

High School Musical **** 1/2 stars

James (age 6) ****1/2 Four-and-a-half stars. I don't know why, I just liked it. There was only one funny part. When he was like, "Oh, I baked some cookies," and she was like, "Ew!" She means here, Sharpay, and the guy who likes to cook--what's his name? Sharpey was my favorite character because she doesn't like the new girl. That's it.

Jupiter (age 4) ***** e stars. Google stars. I liked the pre-K parts. The pre-K parts are at the very beginning when they sing together. (Jupiter has a singing class as a part of her pre-school program.)

Justice (age 2): ***** Google. (Justice, though admittedly sick with a fever and flu, watched the entire movie.)


Popi:***** This mega-monolithic tweener cultural phenomenon was only vaguely on my radar. Fellow movie night fan, Andy recommended it. Had I seen this as a high school student. I would have called it "High School Snoozical," because all things that were supposedly made for me seemed to speak nothing of my experience. But as an adult, I loved it. I love its formula, its use of proven conventions, its crisp pacing, I loved how it was unafraid to make traditional story-telling moves, like coincidences, unlikely outcomes, and even flirt with stock characters and decide instead of exploiting them, to earn them. Which I think it did. But the characters who feel trapped by their circumstances, even if it's being a basketball star or a super scholar, are always compelling. There was destined love hidden in plain sight. The movie was fueled by naked enthusiasm and all the characters seemed truly normal. Normal in body type, normal in experience, and this isn't about the Juilliard bound super talent. These are normal kids finding something great within them. I like that story better.

Mama (age 40): ***** I love musicals. I have always loved them. When I was 17 and driving my Mom's Toyota Cressida to the beach, wearing my pink plastic sunglasses, and pink frosted lipstick, it was "Man of la Mancha" in the tape deck, or "Jesus Christ Superstar" or "Camelot." Even though I couldn't sing at all, when I was ten, I dreamed of being the lead in "Oliver," "Annie," and later "Grease." It never worked out for me, but I look forward to raising my daughters, and yes, son, on musicals.

While the songs in "High School Musical," were of the fluffiest variety--completely unmemorable yet managing to make you feel like you'd heard them all before, it didn't stop me from completely enjoying this movie. On the surface "High School Musical" is about a male athlete and female scholar finding each other through music, but it's really about being gay, a stadium pounding celebration of gayness. What's not to love about that? Adam and I laughed out loud, every time the brother/sister diva duo, Sharpay and Ryan, came into a scene, always looking looking peeved that there were others journeying toward the personal revelation of the power of musical theater. "High School Musical," with its wholesome brand of embracing yourself and those who are different from you might just help jump start my kids early on the way to that personal revelation.

Scooby Doo and the Goblin King ** 1/2 stars

Pat: (0 stars) That's the worst movie I've ever seen--an abuse of Scooby Doo legacy. Was it ever going to end? Atrocious. (I'm sugar coating that.) But James was on my lap and seemed to love it, so I hung in there. I did fall asleep from sheer boredom.

Mama: This movie was unwatchable.
I'm not a purist, and I actually like updates, often more than the original. In fact, I love the new 1991 Scooby Doo series. It's clever and self-referential, with cultural commentary and catchy pop songs during the chase scenes--really enjoyable stuff. However this shameful excuse for a movie, created in 2008, and chock full of big names including Hayden Panatierre, Jay Leno and even Lauren Bacall, was the worst family night movie we've come across so far. Why did Casy Kasem, the voice of Shaggy for 38 years, agree to this script? If he had opted out, it never would have been green lit. I should have known when there was a fairy on the cover of the DVD case. What offended me to the core about this movie was the way it broke the rules of the Scooby Doo universe, whose bible demands that all ghosts, demons and abominable snow men are revealed to be hypnotist con-men in costume, misguided scientists with out-of-control robots or greedy employees with holographic machines.

This is how I dealt with it. I watched my kids watch the movie.
I remember when they were infants, how I used to just stare at them. We called it baby TV. They were so adorable and fascinating, such strange little creatures, that I could just watch them with rapt attention. So tonight, I watched Jupiter with her perfect profile, sit on Adam's lap in her glow-in-the dark dinosaur pajamas. Justice, though squirmy let me scoop her bangs to one side. And James in his bathrobe, the whole heap of him, sprawled out on Grandma Pat's lap, the TV's light flickering in his eyes.

James: Trillion Stars (*****) It was one of the best Scooby Doo movies I've ever seen. I like it because it is so cool. My favorite, favorite, favorite part? Well, there's a part when Scooby and Shaggy are locked up in the castle, and there was this guy who was locked up in the dungeon. That was funny. I liked the headless horseman, and his horse and I loved the part when they stole that thingy from the goblin king and he used magic to get it back. THere was a part that was so funny, and it was when they traded the fairy for the goblin sceptre. And the guy who had the goblin scepter turned the goblin king into a goose and a goblin king but a bit scarier. I loved the skull train part. And when Jack the jackolantern had his candle burn down so he got killed.

Jupiter: 81 stars (*****) Hmm. I liked when Scooby Doo was bobbing for apples, and he came up with a mouth full of apples. Hmm. It was funny when Scooby Doo jumped down Shaggy's shirt and pretended to be a werewolf. I liked the fairy, but not the girl with snakes for hair--scary! It was funny when Scooby Doo and Shaggy were locked up in the dungeon and they talked and chatted and the fairies came and helped them and Scooby Doo and Shaggy came and thanked them and hugged them and the skeleton was like, "Thanks a lot."

Cats & Dogs **** 1/2

James (age 6): ***** 5 stars. I liked the part where the 7,000 mice get sprayed with the sickness and take it out into the world. And I liked the ninja cats.

Jupiter (age 4): ***** E stars. E stars is even more than google stars. I thought it was funny when the sister took the cat to her house with the other sisters and they put outfits on the cat and took his picture. That was so funny. That part right after the sweet part. The sweet part was when the whole family was together playing with the ball.

Justice (age 2): Google stars. I love you (mama.) I love movies about you.

Popi: *** It made me kind of yearn for Abbot & Costello. It wasn't like Monsters Inc. where there was a whole level meant for adults, but I laughed out loud in a couple of spots. I liked that old dead guy in the bed, and how the evil Mr. Tinkles still has to get a bath and wear that maid's uniform. That made me laugh. And I guess we get to feel some of Mr. Tinkles pain. And it was funny when they take Mr. Mason back to his factory and just the visual of all of those i.v.'s and oxygen bottles strapped to his wheelchair--I thought that was pretty funny. You could tell they were having a good time making that part of the movie. The hairless dog who did high-tech was cute. Weird how they put so little thought into the central character of Lou. He didn't have any lessons to learn or reasons to grow. He was just a puppy, I guess. Pretty boring. All the joy was in the set-up. Once you figured out how everything was going to play. Now I have to eat my dinner while it's hot.

Mama: ** 1/2 After a spate of movies that seemed targeted at James it was time for a Jupiter movie. There were some complicated negotiations that went on this morning--i.e. if James got to watch Tom & Jerry in the morning, Jupiter would get to pick tonights movie. We've been dogsitting Milly the Spaniel this past week, and Jupiter has had playdates with Izzy a couple weeks ago, and then Emma, both of whom have cats, so she's become obsessed with having a pet. She surfs the internet for cats to adopt and I finally got her to quit hounding me about adopting a cat TOMORROW by reminding her that we would be going on vacation int he summer, and we had to wait until we got home to really talk about adopting a cat. So Dogs & Cats seemed right up her alley. It was a pastiche of a spy movie, with lots of stuff that went completely over the kids heads. We kept pausing the movie to explain things, like "See, a secret agent dog was supposed to protect the family because the Popi is a scientist who is trying to invent a cure for dog allergies. And see, the dogs want humans to be cured of dog allergies, because then all humans will want dogs and not cats. But instead of sending a secret agent dog, Lou got sent to the family and he's just a puppy and doesn't know how to be a secret agent." The kids seemed very interested in having us explain all of this though, and they certainly enjoyed the movie (except for Justice who clomped around in her Popi's shoes.) There were lots of slapstick moments, dogs slamming into window, walls and boomerangs that got laughs out of Jupiter and Popi, and I always laughed at the moments when a human jogged by and the dog agents put away their spy equipment and started sniffing each others butts. There was a real extravaganza at the end involving fire, an explosion and fake snow and I think both Adam and I dozed off during that. But when Lou is seemingly dead in the boy's arms, I know the formula was working on Jupiter, and when he came back to life, the old tricks were made new in a four-year-old's eyes.

Igor ** 1/2

Jupiter (age 4): ** two stars
I gave it two stars. Because I didn't really like it. (I wish it had) lots of women in high heels and pretty dresses.

James (age 6): *****five stars
I liked the evil bone. I liked the alligator mouth, downstairs. And my most favorite part was when they were in the Igor recycling machine and they were going to get chomped up into bits, and blades might stick through their skin. And he (Igor) was like, "I don't really want to be saved. This is what happens with all Igors." And, have you got the part where he was like, "Just scratching my invisibles?" Oh, remember when the cat guy was like, "You spent the whole time playing with a piece of ribbon." Oh, there was another funny part, when Igor was like, "Pull the switch." And the brain, or Brian, was like "Count to three," and then the cat guy pulled the switch on the count of one. And that is it. Oh, yeah, yeah. The battle. There was like a dragon, and there was like a gooey ball bouncing everywhere and the ball sprayed goo all over Eva, and Eva broke the goo and she killed the dragon, killed the bear, killed those other evil inventions, and she almost broke down the whole castle and all the people were like "Oh, look up there!" Psshht, psshhht and all the things were about to fall on them, but it (the castle) fell in the battle. Or maybe on the battle. And now, that's it.

Popi: * 1/2 (one and a half stars)
I give it 1 1/2 stars for concept. The world is cool, where downtrodden Igor's strive to fulfill their own dreams and our Igor hero creates a monster thespian and Steve Buscemi as an existential eternal cat was great. But the movie's execution in every instance, is wrong. The situations are overwrought, there are too many characters, there's no tension or drama and the characters aren't sympathetic. Sadly, the animation, composed in Vietnam, is flat. The backgrounds look like pencil drawings. This movie was really a short, blown up into a feature and at 79 minutes, they couldn't even bloat it all the way. It should be 22 minutes, stripped of all its foof, with nothing but characters and good dialogue. If that were the case, no one would even notice the animation. It could be drawn in charcoal.

Mama: ** (two stars)
Let's just put it out there, that we were supposed to watch "The Sound of Music." It's kind of Jupiter's turn after to all, to a have a movie with lots of pretty girls in pretty dresses in it--and singing? I had the kids all prepped for it--we'd watched some of the musical numbers on Youtube, we'd talked about how the Von Trapp children needed a babysitter, and I'd even told them about Austria, and Nazi Germany, and escaping into the mountains....and then through an error in communication, that probably had nothing to do with Adam grumbling about singing, and movies with singing in them, and we'll see if you like a movie with a lot of singing, James, it turns out neither Adam nor I had secured The Sound of Music for movie night. I sent Adam out into the cold to get us a four dollar movie, and he came back with Igor. When I read the back of the DVD it actually sounded like a really cute movie.

However, from the start, with Igor's voiceover explaining his world to me, I was never really sucked in. In Monsters, Inc., my gold standard, they drop us right down in the middle of the day-that's-going-to-change-things, and they provide all the rules for the monster world in the form of action, a monster-in-training flubbing up and getting to meet the great scarer, Sully. I can't put my finger on why this world (Igor's) didn't engage me. Was it the insect-like appearance of the characters? Was it the yakking? It was a very talky script, yet with little in the way of revealing character. Then there were the chase scenes. I've got nothin' against a good chase scene. My latest favorite show is Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and there's always a chase scene. But in Igor, I felt like I'd seen these chase scenes a thousand times before.

Justice fell asleep within minutes, which is probably a good thing, because the overall feel of the movie was probably too intense and grotesque for her. (About a family favorite, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Justice says, "I don't like that movie--it's really is creeping me out!") Jupiter never really engaged with this movie either. Though it was chock full of characters, there plain ole' weren't many girls. In fact there were only two. I think every script out there should be doctored by a female script doctor--there are just so many things a team of guys writing a script don't think about. I love the stories where a role originally written as a male character is cast with a female actress. Aliens is made so much more interesting because Sigourney Weaver plays Ripley instead of Harrison Ford. I think in Igor, one of the two sidekicks could easily have been female, and why not one female evil scientist amongst the many male evil scientists? Even the talk show host in Igor was male, for crying out loud! Jupiter can appreciate a creepy, gothy female character, with stitching around her neck, as much as anyone, so long as the character's pretty on some level. And I hate to say it, but in terms of character design, the assymetry of Eva the Monster was disturbing. With one huge arm/one skinny arm, one huge leg/then a skinny leg, a huge neck--and smaller head, she just seemed ill-suited for a four-year-old girl to fall in love with her. As for James, he woke up talking about the movie, and had more to say about it than any of the other movies he's loved recently. He even wants to add more to the blog about the movie, probably tomorrow. He even asked me if we owned this movie. He even cleaned up tonight, to earn money, to buy this movie.

As for me, I'm making a case for The Sound of Music next week.

Man on Wire (Our first family documentary) **** 3/4

Jupiter: ***** 1 star. No, I tricked you. Google stars. My favorite part was when he went out on the wire.

James: ***** 5 stars. My favorite part was when Phillipe Petite first stepped out on the wire.

Popi: **** The kids are still at a point in life where a dream, a movie, a story and reality all have the same power. So I'm not completely sure they understand the difference between a documentary and a dramatic feature, especially when the documentary has fictional recreations, but they seemed intrigued by the idea, especially James, who kept asking, "Is this real? Is this part real?" I'm a documentary fanatic and love the power of nonfiction. But I understand it's hard to compete with kid candy, like The Spiderwick Papers. Still, James being the oldest, asked all day, how tall were the twin towers, what happened to the twin towers and he did seem curious about a movie that existed in his real life, rather than real life that existed in a movie. "Is this hill we're on taller than the World Trade Center? Is the World Trade Center taller than Mount Everest?" It was a sweet movie. It could have been 20 minutes shorter. Lots of chatting and prep, and frolicking in French fields, but that's all the footage they had. It would have been nice to hear soem New Yorkers experience of it, but obviously the film crews didn't get that.

Mama: ***** This documentary was really, really gripping! It combines interviews, ("Mama, when will that guy quit talking?") real footage, still shots and reenactments. Normally Adam and I cringe at documentary reenactments, but it was completely necessary with kids. And the story really is marvelous: Phillipe Petit brings his mad, passionate vision into a reality and walks on a tight rope between the World Trade Center. When we are so used to the most amazing CG effects, and seeing Spiderman crawl up walls, it remains amazing, thrilling and beautiful to watch what Phillipe Petit does. I particularly loved seeing what a group effort it was for him to pull this stunt off. He manages to attract disciples who are dedicated to helping him pull off his fantastic dream. The documentary takes a surprising and poignant turn at the end, when we find out the effects Phillipe's walk between the towers has on his relationships with the friends who helped him. I found this moving, on more than one level.

But ultimately, I always judge a Family Night movie by how it lives in the imaginations of the kids. This one stirred James even before we watched it. Based on the book "The Man Who Walked Between the Towers," he taped pieces of paper together to make 3 ft. twin towers, drew a cityscape at the base of the picture, and then a man on a tightrope at the top. That was the day before the movie. The day after seeing the movie, he tied various sashes and shoelaces to toys and strung a makeshift highwire, the likes of which only a Bionicle could cross, between the two sofas. And then, today, while walking in the Yerba Buena Gardens, he balanced himself on a hand rail, and walked along it. That makes for a smashing success on Family Movie Night. Even though Justice fell asleep in the first ten minutes.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the PG-13 rating (James is obsessed with ratings) it's a gratuitous sex tableau at the very end when Phillipe Petite cheats on his girlfriend. James, who believes that PG-13 ratings are given because of the fear factor, said, "That's why it's PG-13? What's scary about a naked lady?"

Abbot & Costello Meet Frankenstein *****

Here's a New York Times movie review from 1948.
James (age 6): ***** I liked the part when they tried to take Wilber's brain. (It should be noted that James was completely tense during this part. Since he doesn't know how these movies work the next development really could have been that the evil doctor takes the scalpel to Wilber's (Abbott) forehead and removes his brain--instead of Chick (Costello) running in for a comic distraction. James asked Adam during this sequence: "Popi, is this rated R?")

Jupiter (age 4): ***** I liked the part where the girls wore the pretty dresses.

Justice (age 2): ***** Google means the Google bus.

Spy kids ****1/2

James (age 6): ***** Five stars. I liked the part when the robot kids get the third brain. When he (the Alan Cummings character) pulled all of the brains in the robot children and it was a cool movie and that's it.

Jupiter (age 4): ***** (Google stars) I liked the robot kids. And I liked the mommy and poppy. And I liked the kids.

Justice (age 2): ***** (Google stars) It's a secret. I can't tell you. I liked the robot kids.

Popi: *** 1/2 (3 1/2 stars.) 88 minutes is the perfect length for a family night movie. It was nice to see a kids movie with a couple of good acting parts--Antonio Banderas and Alan Cummings. I thought Alan Cummings was great. The premise that kids discover the secret lives of their parents is a good one and presages their own entry into adult themes. I also like that the movie didn't take itself too seriously though I wished it was a little less frenetic in terms of pacing, because I came at the expense of some character moments. I would have liked to have seen a brother and sister interact when there wasn't a crisis and a parent and child do something together that wasn't plot related. It was fun when it was happening, but boy, it evaporated afterward.

Mama: **** This really was a pleasure to watch. Of course I'm a la Femme Nikita fan (the USA network TV series from the 90's, not the movie) so disguises and gadgets and martial arts moves all play really well with me. I loved the beginning of Spykids, when the daughter asks her mother to tell the story of two spies falling in love, not knowing the mother is narrating her own history. The romance between the mother and father was really fun--Antonio Banderas is a very sexy spy. The brother and sister in the movie were always likable, and there was an awesome chase scene involving rocket packs. I also loved the sets, that seemed to be some Earth Two combination of California and Mexico, with luxury homes atop ocean cliffs, and the sprawling CG cityscape of San Diablo. As so often happens in these movies plot takes over from character. This never bothers kids, but it does lower the parent enjoyment. We know from Monsters Inc. and Toy Story that character and story and cool effects should be able to go hand-in-hand but rare is the script that even tries.

As for the kids, they seemed to greatly enjoy the chase scenes and there was an interest in spies and spy gadgets that lingered even a week after the movie. There were some visual grotesques, spies that had been turned into monsters, and a tense scene where the father character, played by Antonio Banderas, gets hooked up to the monster machine and turned into a design created by his own son. I wasn't sure James, with his very intense imagination, could handle that, but there doesn't seem to be any fallout from it. He's still too obsessed with robbers, from our Home Alone viewing....

The Princess Bride *****

James (age 6): ***** You know how many stars, Mama. F.I.F.E. Five. I loved the part when she was very scared of the eels. Mama, you want to know what my most most most favorite part was? When that big rat attacked the man in black. Oh, but my MOST one was that nightmarish part. (The torture scene we fast-forwarded over.) Mama, bleeding isn't so scary. Dying is worse.

Jupiter (age 4): ***** It turned out to be a google stars, but when the eels attacked the princess then it went down to 2 stars. But went back up to google stars when it got happy again. It got happy when they got married and went back to their farm. I liked it when the princess married the guy in black and I liked it when the princess was in her dress, the turquoise. And I liked it when the Princess went with the man in black. And, that's all.
And I liked it when she went to the castle and almost got married with the wrong guy.

Justice (age 2) ***** Google stars, it's a secret. Awesome.


Uncle Henry: ***** (Google stars, cause I didn't know you could give google stars.)I have loved this movie for 20 years and now I have been right all along. Great movie!

Aunt Jenn: ***** The torture scene is not for kids! The princess needed a little more--what was that stupid line in Titanic--"Jack! Jack!" where the girl couldn't function or save herself without the help of Jack...?
It was a fun movie.

Popi: My old lady originally rented "Elf" from our over-priced neighborhood rental hut. It sounded good to me, a real life Elf--Will Farrell--ha ha. But then my old lady read online that the elf has to convince a little boy that Santa really exists. In the end, I guess the movie's affirmational, but our kids don't even know there are kids who don't believe in Santa, so back it had to go. In with The Princess Bride. Uncle Henry had recommended it--it seemed like a solid choice. The Princess Bride seems like the definition of a family movie. It leaves everyone a little satisfied, and everyone a little unsatisfied. There's something for grown-ups, something for boys, something for girls. Even old-timers would like Peter Falk. You can read everyone else's response to prove my point. I had seen this movie long ago. If I hadn't seen it I think I would have been a little wowed by it. Everything I laughed at came from adult humor in the dialogue--stuff that went over the kids head. You could tell the filmmakers were having fun with the oversized rodents. They could have made those rats scary, but they looked campy instead. It was clearly a man in a rat suit with fur glued on. The visual gag of Andre the Giant climbing that rope was hilarious. The kids took it as dead-on fact. But how else do you get people to believe a love story except to disarm them?

Mama: ***** I found this movie a sheer delight. Truly, I think I liked it more than the kids did. The adults in the room--myself, Adam, Aunt Jenn and Uncle Henry, kept laughing together at funny lines, delivered with dead-pan irony. Inigo Montoya's vendetta is the cutest vendetta I've ever seen, and the Man in Black manages to be dashing and comic at the same time. Later, I found myself looking Cary Elwes up on the IMDB and wondering why he never reached Leonardo DiCaprio status. Even Buttercup, played by Sean Penn's bride, Robin Wright Penn, looks like she has the mettle to be a stronger Princess than she was (though the script, so delightful everywhere else, leaves her with little to work with.) Here's the rub though. The kids, though they remained engrossed with the movie on a completely literal level--even shuddering when the giant eels attacked Princess Buttercup--were ultimately not as taken as we were. Sure it was a five star movie. But the truth came out the next morning when the kids all asked to watch a DVD of 1,000 Popeye the Sailor Man episodes, instead of The Princess Bride. I was so disappointed.

A note on princesses: I should start a new rating system for princesses. Like a powerful princess of the Cornelia Funke variety gets five stars and an insipid, cloying, wimpy princess of the pathetic variety (Disney's Cinderella) gets one star. Buttercup, like Jasmine, would be a two-star Princess.

Now all I have to do is distract James from wanting to watch Elf next week. Maybe with Iron Man? For some reason, I feel machine guns and flame-throwers are more acceptable kid fare than introducing to my sweet, believing children the idea that there are some kids out there who don't believe in Santa Claus.

Elf (coming soon, with guest critics, Aunt Jenn and Uncle Henry)

Elf was temporarily canceled on this movie blog, until the Johnson kids have been exposed, at some future date, to kids who don't believe in Santa Claus.

The Tale of Despereaux (12/21 matinee) ** 1/2

James: ***I liked it. You know what the meanest part was? When the Princess said to Meg, "You look ridiculous. You look ridiculous."

Jupiter: * I didn't like it. I didn't like when the queen died.

Justice: (In the movie theatre) I want to go. I don't like this movie. I want to go.

Grandma Pat: *** I give it more stars for the graphics. The details on the fabrics and the cloth were amazing. But I just don't get this loving rats and mice thing. I thought the scenes with the racing rats descending on the food were really...gross. There was only one rat that you could really care about and it was Dustin Hoffman. The rest of them were really gross. I found it interesting that the princess's hero was an itty-bitty mouse. He embodied what a knight should be, but he could barely fit on the palm of her hand.

Mama: *** Lovely animation, a fairy tale world, and a theme that ill-treatment leads one to treat others poorly, this was a sweet--if uninteresting--movie. The textures were often lush and Desperaux the mouse was cute and full of heart. And it's always fun to see how mice and rats use the discarded items of our world, forks and buttons etc. to build their little cities. I also liked the way mice were expected to have an inherited identity that demanded they scurry and cower. "There's so many things in this world to be afraid of," his principal says to Desperaux. "You just need to find them." Funny though, how the mouse, to be heroic, must rise above his culture, and the rat, to be civilized, must rise above rat culture. The humans on the other hand--their flawed hierarchal, misogynistic fairy tale culture is never called into question. In fact, the happy ending for Miggery Sow was to embrace her lower station.
The thing is, Mr. Reedy is reading this book to James and his class, and for two weeks James has been coming home every day narrating to me what happened to Desperaux today. I was honestly expecting something a little darker, with the one-eared rat teaching Despereaux to be a torturer, because he'd been tortured himself. I've been curious how the mouse James has been telling me about turns out to be the cute hero on the front of the movie posters. When we got home from the movie James asked me, "But where was the one-eared rat?" I think he was expecting a rated PG movie and Despereaux the mouse had the P taken out of him.
This worked just fine as something to do on a cold, rainy day during Winter Break.

Home Alone **** 1/2

James: (age six) *****It was good. It wasn't really funny. It was so not scary. Five stars.

Jupiter: (age four) ***** (Google stars) It was funny when the robbers were getting hurt!

Justice (age two) ***** (How did you like the movie, Justice?) It's a secret. Google stars.

Grandma Pat: **** Amazing it held the interest of all three little ones--very late at night! The story is still cute after 18+ years.

Mama: **** James was very upset last week when our movie was not Home Alone. Adam had narrated the premise to him, and he was very interested in seeing it. Then this afternoon, knowing Home Alone was scheduled for movie night, he brought up the subject of robbers. He had a lot of questions about them starting with, "Are robbers reality or fantasy?" (they've been discussing the difference between reality and fantasy in school) then inquiring if robbers ever robbed (kidnapped) children. Despite the usual reassurances--that his Popi is the strongest man in the gym and his mama knows jiu-jitsu--he left the table and started googling "robbers." Then, before dinner he announced, instead of watching the movie he wanted to do an art project instead. I finally realized he might have had some anxiety about this movie!
When movie time finally came at 8 o'clock at night, he settled in on Grandma Pat's lap and was mellow throughout the movie, probably because we started so late, and he was very tired. I watched him a lot to try and gauge his reactions, and he smiled here and there. The truth is, despite the whole, admittedly scary premise of abandonment and violation, it wasn't a scary movie at all. It was sweet, sentimental, and at the end, completely funny.
And it was Jupiter who took us by surprise.
When the robbers finally break into Kevin's house and start encountering his carefully choreographed traps, with madcap results, Jupiter started laughing. And laughing and laughing. It was infectious (anyway I admit to a soft spot for slapstick) so soon Adam and I were laughing as well. Jupiter was in hysterics, peels of laughter coming out of her. She got every gag--just seeing the set-up--frozen steps--she'd start laughing. When Joe Pesci started slipping on the ice, Jupiter let out peels of giggles. When he kept slipping--and kept slipping--she was in full blown hysterics. What a delight it was to watch with her.
Justice had a period of time midway through the movie, when she was more interested in throwing Milly the spaniel her ball, but during the final movement of bb guns, blow torches, hot irons and tarantulas (with Jupiter in hysterics on the sofa) Justice stood at attention in front of the TV, very very interested--if not completely clued in.
I have to say, this movie gets four stars for the tightness of its plot, the genuine adorableness of McCauley Caulkin, for making me weepy at the end, and mostly for making making mother and four-year-old daughter both laugh their butts off.

Adam: **** I remember as a kid seeing a Laurel and Hardy movie where they have to get a ladder through a building. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. I don't know if they were going to fix a clock, or what, but the ladder was so long you couldn't tell what was happening on either end. I this movie, I really liked the part where the mother and father were in first class and all of their kids were back in coach. Of course Kevin wasn't safe, but they didn't know that at the time. It was sweet to see John Candy as the Polka king of the west. He wasn't terribly funny in this movie, but I grew up with him as a kid on SCTV. John Kasimir and I used to watch him, with Rick Moranis and that whole SCTV crew--Henry Levi. There was something really kind of innocent about this movie, Home Alone. For some reason we don't even resent their affluence. I feel that if you made a movie like this today and someone lived in a 24 room house and had unquestioned affluence that it would garner resentment. Just looking at their lights being on while they were out of town--they just had so much physically and materially. I bet if we'd have seen the burglers humble apartments in scummy Chicago we might have felt a lot for them, for having so little in a town where some people have so much. It wouldn't have been slapstick anymore. But they were the Wet Burglers, who fucked up people's houses. They were despicable, so it was funny. I'd give it four stars.