The Princess Bride *****

James (age 6): ***** You know how many stars, Mama. F.I.F.E. Five. I loved the part when she was very scared of the eels. Mama, you want to know what my most most most favorite part was? When that big rat attacked the man in black. Oh, but my MOST one was that nightmarish part. (The torture scene we fast-forwarded over.) Mama, bleeding isn't so scary. Dying is worse.

Jupiter (age 4): ***** It turned out to be a google stars, but when the eels attacked the princess then it went down to 2 stars. But went back up to google stars when it got happy again. It got happy when they got married and went back to their farm. I liked it when the princess married the guy in black and I liked it when the princess was in her dress, the turquoise. And I liked it when the Princess went with the man in black. And, that's all.
And I liked it when she went to the castle and almost got married with the wrong guy.

Justice (age 2) ***** Google stars, it's a secret. Awesome.


Uncle Henry: ***** (Google stars, cause I didn't know you could give google stars.)I have loved this movie for 20 years and now I have been right all along. Great movie!

Aunt Jenn: ***** The torture scene is not for kids! The princess needed a little more--what was that stupid line in Titanic--"Jack! Jack!" where the girl couldn't function or save herself without the help of Jack...?
It was a fun movie.

Popi: My old lady originally rented "Elf" from our over-priced neighborhood rental hut. It sounded good to me, a real life Elf--Will Farrell--ha ha. But then my old lady read online that the elf has to convince a little boy that Santa really exists. In the end, I guess the movie's affirmational, but our kids don't even know there are kids who don't believe in Santa, so back it had to go. In with The Princess Bride. Uncle Henry had recommended it--it seemed like a solid choice. The Princess Bride seems like the definition of a family movie. It leaves everyone a little satisfied, and everyone a little unsatisfied. There's something for grown-ups, something for boys, something for girls. Even old-timers would like Peter Falk. You can read everyone else's response to prove my point. I had seen this movie long ago. If I hadn't seen it I think I would have been a little wowed by it. Everything I laughed at came from adult humor in the dialogue--stuff that went over the kids head. You could tell the filmmakers were having fun with the oversized rodents. They could have made those rats scary, but they looked campy instead. It was clearly a man in a rat suit with fur glued on. The visual gag of Andre the Giant climbing that rope was hilarious. The kids took it as dead-on fact. But how else do you get people to believe a love story except to disarm them?

Mama: ***** I found this movie a sheer delight. Truly, I think I liked it more than the kids did. The adults in the room--myself, Adam, Aunt Jenn and Uncle Henry, kept laughing together at funny lines, delivered with dead-pan irony. Inigo Montoya's vendetta is the cutest vendetta I've ever seen, and the Man in Black manages to be dashing and comic at the same time. Later, I found myself looking Cary Elwes up on the IMDB and wondering why he never reached Leonardo DiCaprio status. Even Buttercup, played by Sean Penn's bride, Robin Wright Penn, looks like she has the mettle to be a stronger Princess than she was (though the script, so delightful everywhere else, leaves her with little to work with.) Here's the rub though. The kids, though they remained engrossed with the movie on a completely literal level--even shuddering when the giant eels attacked Princess Buttercup--were ultimately not as taken as we were. Sure it was a five star movie. But the truth came out the next morning when the kids all asked to watch a DVD of 1,000 Popeye the Sailor Man episodes, instead of The Princess Bride. I was so disappointed.

A note on princesses: I should start a new rating system for princesses. Like a powerful princess of the Cornelia Funke variety gets five stars and an insipid, cloying, wimpy princess of the pathetic variety (Disney's Cinderella) gets one star. Buttercup, like Jasmine, would be a two-star Princess.

Now all I have to do is distract James from wanting to watch Elf next week. Maybe with Iron Man? For some reason, I feel machine guns and flame-throwers are more acceptable kid fare than introducing to my sweet, believing children the idea that there are some kids out there who don't believe in Santa Claus.