The Princess Bride *****

James (age 6): ***** You know how many stars, Mama. F.I.F.E. Five. I loved the part when she was very scared of the eels. Mama, you want to know what my most most most favorite part was? When that big rat attacked the man in black. Oh, but my MOST one was that nightmarish part. (The torture scene we fast-forwarded over.) Mama, bleeding isn't so scary. Dying is worse.

Jupiter (age 4): ***** It turned out to be a google stars, but when the eels attacked the princess then it went down to 2 stars. But went back up to google stars when it got happy again. It got happy when they got married and went back to their farm. I liked it when the princess married the guy in black and I liked it when the princess was in her dress, the turquoise. And I liked it when the Princess went with the man in black. And, that's all.
And I liked it when she went to the castle and almost got married with the wrong guy.

Justice (age 2) ***** Google stars, it's a secret. Awesome.


Uncle Henry: ***** (Google stars, cause I didn't know you could give google stars.)I have loved this movie for 20 years and now I have been right all along. Great movie!

Aunt Jenn: ***** The torture scene is not for kids! The princess needed a little more--what was that stupid line in Titanic--"Jack! Jack!" where the girl couldn't function or save herself without the help of Jack...?
It was a fun movie.

Popi: My old lady originally rented "Elf" from our over-priced neighborhood rental hut. It sounded good to me, a real life Elf--Will Farrell--ha ha. But then my old lady read online that the elf has to convince a little boy that Santa really exists. In the end, I guess the movie's affirmational, but our kids don't even know there are kids who don't believe in Santa, so back it had to go. In with The Princess Bride. Uncle Henry had recommended it--it seemed like a solid choice. The Princess Bride seems like the definition of a family movie. It leaves everyone a little satisfied, and everyone a little unsatisfied. There's something for grown-ups, something for boys, something for girls. Even old-timers would like Peter Falk. You can read everyone else's response to prove my point. I had seen this movie long ago. If I hadn't seen it I think I would have been a little wowed by it. Everything I laughed at came from adult humor in the dialogue--stuff that went over the kids head. You could tell the filmmakers were having fun with the oversized rodents. They could have made those rats scary, but they looked campy instead. It was clearly a man in a rat suit with fur glued on. The visual gag of Andre the Giant climbing that rope was hilarious. The kids took it as dead-on fact. But how else do you get people to believe a love story except to disarm them?

Mama: ***** I found this movie a sheer delight. Truly, I think I liked it more than the kids did. The adults in the room--myself, Adam, Aunt Jenn and Uncle Henry, kept laughing together at funny lines, delivered with dead-pan irony. Inigo Montoya's vendetta is the cutest vendetta I've ever seen, and the Man in Black manages to be dashing and comic at the same time. Later, I found myself looking Cary Elwes up on the IMDB and wondering why he never reached Leonardo DiCaprio status. Even Buttercup, played by Sean Penn's bride, Robin Wright Penn, looks like she has the mettle to be a stronger Princess than she was (though the script, so delightful everywhere else, leaves her with little to work with.) Here's the rub though. The kids, though they remained engrossed with the movie on a completely literal level--even shuddering when the giant eels attacked Princess Buttercup--were ultimately not as taken as we were. Sure it was a five star movie. But the truth came out the next morning when the kids all asked to watch a DVD of 1,000 Popeye the Sailor Man episodes, instead of The Princess Bride. I was so disappointed.

A note on princesses: I should start a new rating system for princesses. Like a powerful princess of the Cornelia Funke variety gets five stars and an insipid, cloying, wimpy princess of the pathetic variety (Disney's Cinderella) gets one star. Buttercup, like Jasmine, would be a two-star Princess.

Now all I have to do is distract James from wanting to watch Elf next week. Maybe with Iron Man? For some reason, I feel machine guns and flame-throwers are more acceptable kid fare than introducing to my sweet, believing children the idea that there are some kids out there who don't believe in Santa Claus.

Elf (coming soon, with guest critics, Aunt Jenn and Uncle Henry)

Elf was temporarily canceled on this movie blog, until the Johnson kids have been exposed, at some future date, to kids who don't believe in Santa Claus.

The Tale of Despereaux (12/21 matinee) ** 1/2

James: ***I liked it. You know what the meanest part was? When the Princess said to Meg, "You look ridiculous. You look ridiculous."

Jupiter: * I didn't like it. I didn't like when the queen died.

Justice: (In the movie theatre) I want to go. I don't like this movie. I want to go.

Grandma Pat: *** I give it more stars for the graphics. The details on the fabrics and the cloth were amazing. But I just don't get this loving rats and mice thing. I thought the scenes with the racing rats descending on the food were really...gross. There was only one rat that you could really care about and it was Dustin Hoffman. The rest of them were really gross. I found it interesting that the princess's hero was an itty-bitty mouse. He embodied what a knight should be, but he could barely fit on the palm of her hand.

Mama: *** Lovely animation, a fairy tale world, and a theme that ill-treatment leads one to treat others poorly, this was a sweet--if uninteresting--movie. The textures were often lush and Desperaux the mouse was cute and full of heart. And it's always fun to see how mice and rats use the discarded items of our world, forks and buttons etc. to build their little cities. I also liked the way mice were expected to have an inherited identity that demanded they scurry and cower. "There's so many things in this world to be afraid of," his principal says to Desperaux. "You just need to find them." Funny though, how the mouse, to be heroic, must rise above his culture, and the rat, to be civilized, must rise above rat culture. The humans on the other hand--their flawed hierarchal, misogynistic fairy tale culture is never called into question. In fact, the happy ending for Miggery Sow was to embrace her lower station.
The thing is, Mr. Reedy is reading this book to James and his class, and for two weeks James has been coming home every day narrating to me what happened to Desperaux today. I was honestly expecting something a little darker, with the one-eared rat teaching Despereaux to be a torturer, because he'd been tortured himself. I've been curious how the mouse James has been telling me about turns out to be the cute hero on the front of the movie posters. When we got home from the movie James asked me, "But where was the one-eared rat?" I think he was expecting a rated PG movie and Despereaux the mouse had the P taken out of him.
This worked just fine as something to do on a cold, rainy day during Winter Break.

Home Alone **** 1/2

James: (age six) *****It was good. It wasn't really funny. It was so not scary. Five stars.

Jupiter: (age four) ***** (Google stars) It was funny when the robbers were getting hurt!

Justice (age two) ***** (How did you like the movie, Justice?) It's a secret. Google stars.

Grandma Pat: **** Amazing it held the interest of all three little ones--very late at night! The story is still cute after 18+ years.

Mama: **** James was very upset last week when our movie was not Home Alone. Adam had narrated the premise to him, and he was very interested in seeing it. Then this afternoon, knowing Home Alone was scheduled for movie night, he brought up the subject of robbers. He had a lot of questions about them starting with, "Are robbers reality or fantasy?" (they've been discussing the difference between reality and fantasy in school) then inquiring if robbers ever robbed (kidnapped) children. Despite the usual reassurances--that his Popi is the strongest man in the gym and his mama knows jiu-jitsu--he left the table and started googling "robbers." Then, before dinner he announced, instead of watching the movie he wanted to do an art project instead. I finally realized he might have had some anxiety about this movie!
When movie time finally came at 8 o'clock at night, he settled in on Grandma Pat's lap and was mellow throughout the movie, probably because we started so late, and he was very tired. I watched him a lot to try and gauge his reactions, and he smiled here and there. The truth is, despite the whole, admittedly scary premise of abandonment and violation, it wasn't a scary movie at all. It was sweet, sentimental, and at the end, completely funny.
And it was Jupiter who took us by surprise.
When the robbers finally break into Kevin's house and start encountering his carefully choreographed traps, with madcap results, Jupiter started laughing. And laughing and laughing. It was infectious (anyway I admit to a soft spot for slapstick) so soon Adam and I were laughing as well. Jupiter was in hysterics, peels of laughter coming out of her. She got every gag--just seeing the set-up--frozen steps--she'd start laughing. When Joe Pesci started slipping on the ice, Jupiter let out peels of giggles. When he kept slipping--and kept slipping--she was in full blown hysterics. What a delight it was to watch with her.
Justice had a period of time midway through the movie, when she was more interested in throwing Milly the spaniel her ball, but during the final movement of bb guns, blow torches, hot irons and tarantulas (with Jupiter in hysterics on the sofa) Justice stood at attention in front of the TV, very very interested--if not completely clued in.
I have to say, this movie gets four stars for the tightness of its plot, the genuine adorableness of McCauley Caulkin, for making me weepy at the end, and mostly for making making mother and four-year-old daughter both laugh their butts off.

Adam: **** I remember as a kid seeing a Laurel and Hardy movie where they have to get a ladder through a building. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. I don't know if they were going to fix a clock, or what, but the ladder was so long you couldn't tell what was happening on either end. I this movie, I really liked the part where the mother and father were in first class and all of their kids were back in coach. Of course Kevin wasn't safe, but they didn't know that at the time. It was sweet to see John Candy as the Polka king of the west. He wasn't terribly funny in this movie, but I grew up with him as a kid on SCTV. John Kasimir and I used to watch him, with Rick Moranis and that whole SCTV crew--Henry Levi. There was something really kind of innocent about this movie, Home Alone. For some reason we don't even resent their affluence. I feel that if you made a movie like this today and someone lived in a 24 room house and had unquestioned affluence that it would garner resentment. Just looking at their lights being on while they were out of town--they just had so much physically and materially. I bet if we'd have seen the burglers humble apartments in scummy Chicago we might have felt a lot for them, for having so little in a town where some people have so much. It wouldn't have been slapstick anymore. But they were the Wet Burglers, who fucked up people's houses. They were despicable, so it was funny. I'd give it four stars.

Aladdin *** 1/2

James: ***** (e-billion stars.) You know what? I loved it more than....Journey to the Center of the Earth. I LOVED it. You know what my favorite part was? The snake. I liked the whole movie.

Jupiter: ***** (81 stars) I don't know.

Justice ***** (Google stars.) I liked the snake. That's my favorite part.

Mama: ** At the news that Aladdin was going to be our movie night movie, James burst in to tears. In Amoeba Records, he proclaimed to Adam, with outrage and anger, that he knew Aladdin was going to be a one-star movie, that he didn't want to watch a movie about Princesses! He was sullen the rest of the evening, and only settled into his bathrobe and movie-watching chair with great reluctance. Sure enough, though Princess Jasmine has been hyper-marketed to girls, there was lots of lava, daggers, sabres, and then the finale--with a monstrous giant fang-filled snake. He cried at the end of the evening as well, wanting to watch the movie again, right then and there, at bed time.
Here follows my diatribe about Disney Princesses:
Jupiter loved the movie, but oddly had nothing to say about Princess Jasmine's amazing locks.
Anyone with a four-year-old girl has experienced the Princess thing, the phenomena by which, no matter how many girl wizards, girl explorers, girl construction workers or girl super heroes a girl is exposed to she winds up longing to be a princess. The most common grouping is most often the classics: the insipid Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. In the latter part of the 20th century, Disney proudly added Ariel the Mermaid, who even in her ocean homeland needs to be saved by a human male. Finally paying attention to a few cultural signals Disney came up with Belle, who at least was smart and opinionated. Then there are the two multi-cultural princesses, Mulan and Princess Jasmine. Rarely do you see Mulan (the Princess who kicks the most butt) with the others--I haven't seen Mulan II so maybe she doesn't actually marry the Emperor's son, thus ruining her princess status. But that's for another post. It's Jasmine I'll talk about here.
Jasmine, with her long flowing black hair, has long entranced Jupiter, and we've owned puzzles and books about Jasmine long before Jupiter ever saw the movie Aladdin. Disney tries to do spunk with Jasmine, but can't quite pull it off. Her huge rebellion is not wanting to marry a boorish, pompous prince and then sneaking out of the castle. Aladdin saves Jasmine a couple of times, and the most she can muster to help him, is batting her eyelashes at the evil sorcerer to distract him. She is no Kim Possible.
In 1937, Snow White sang "Someday my Prince will come." I see no true evolution in Jasmine, who was made fifty-five years later.
Watching Aladdin was tolerable--not painful like The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, but it was no pleasure, like watching Shrek. Now that was a Princess.

Popi: ** I'd never seen this Disney before. I think its newness made it watchable for me. Aladdin showcases Robin Williams and Bobcat Goldthwait and they aren't my favorite things to archive from the 90's. Stephanie pointed out that this was the nadir of the Disney formula. I don't know what to say. God, it's just a Disney movie. I feel like I've seen the same--you change it from a mermaid to a lion to a sultan. Throw in the same Broadway musical numbers. Before I'd thought The Little Mermaid was culturally insensitive to aquatic life. The art is lavish. The storyline is tight. But, there's a reason the Disney formula isn't being made anymore. There's a reason Pixar came along and stole its audience--because Disney went to the well with the same formula one to many times. I'd take a well-written story over the Disney Magic any day.

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl ***1/2

James (age 6): ***** (833 stars) I liked it when Lavagirl was running away from those dog electronical things and like, her foot came off and the lava came out. This part of her foot came off and when her knee came back close to it, it sticked back on. And I liked when the tornado wasn't really a tornado, it was Mr. Electronic. I liked the whole movie. I just loved it all. And I liked the brain fart. It was the best movie on Family Movie Night so far.

Jupiter(age 4): ***** (81 stars) I liked Lavagirl. I liked her hair. Why is her blood lava? Her shoes are her feet. I liked it when Sharkboy almost made Lavagirl sneeze. And I liked the brain fart. Mama, I want to watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. (3rd time in a day-and-a-half.)

Justice (age 2):***** I can't tell you. It's a secret. Oh, oh. I can tell you. I like Lavagirl. I like Lavagirl and Sharkboy. (How many stars?) Ten. I said, Google.

Mama: *It's the Sunday morning after a Saturday Night Family Movie night and our kids are watching "The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl" for the second time in fifteen hours--even Justice who at age 2, has an attention span more for Dora the Explorer. Thus I have to give this a 3 star ranking akin to Swiss Family Robinson and The Wizard of Oz. Before I rented this awful movie, Adam had said to me, "We should get a movie like Sky High. There should be more Sky High movies out there." (We LOVED the smart and very under-appreciated Sky High and if we were to watch it for Family Movie Night, which we can't because we've all seen it at least ten times already, it would be a 5 star family movie.) So when James grabbed The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl I had high, high hopes. When the movie opened, with a sweet, mythical origin story, narrated by Max, I was sure we had chosen well. When we go to school with Max, and George Lopez is his teacher, Mr. Electricidad, I was still ready to be enchanted. It's when Max starts to dream (I feel that dreams and drug trips are universally boring in all books and movies) that I started doubting, and when Sharkboy and Lavagirl show up for real and take Max away to his dream planet, I settled in for what I realized was going to be a long, boring movie. Luckily, it was a pretty short boring movie, clocking in at 85 minutes. Adam and I kept glancing at each other.
"It's the script," I told Adam. "No one could deliver those lines."
"I never want to watch CG again," Adam said.
"They had so much good stuff to work with," I said. "How could they go wrong?"
"It completely rambles," Adam said.
"It's creatively lazy," I said. "The entire thing."
"There's nothing in it for adults," Adam said.
"Just a bunch of bad puns."
Then Adam posited his hot tub theory. (see below)
It's true Adam and I settle into critic mode to make it through a bad movie, and no one wants to be around our snarky selves when we do that. The kids are oblivious to our chatter though. James is sitting in his movie-watching recliner, wearing his bathrobe, eyes glittering as huge electircal plugs attack Max, Sharkboy and Lava girl. Jupiter is wide-eyed, obviously marvelling at the way Lavagirl's hair has just turned into pink flames, and Justice turns her head to hide in my shouder, then looks back at the screen, both scared and fascinated. No doubt about it. For them, it's five stars.

Popi: * I'd seen advertisements for this movie and it looked like a no-brainer winner. A boy who's a shark? A girl who shoots lava? Children's academy award winner. But then this movie never seemed to come to the theaters and I never heard of it again. After viewing it, now I know why. Hollywood has discovered the secret to a good movie is pleasing the whole family, so that kids are wowed by talking cars, and adults recognize the "Car Talk" Guys making sardonic commentary. What I'm trying to say is that there is nothing, nada, niet, in this movie for adults. Unless you think boogers are funny. The graphics are cheesy unless you've never seen graphics before. Which means they wowed our kids. After watching the movie I discovered that it had been made in 3D, which explains all the spitting, spit wads and pihrana fish flying at the viewer. All this is sad, because Rodriguez has some real talent and Lopez is really funny. My wife and I decided that the two of them cooked the script idea up in a hot tub, with a bong, in 90 minutes, while their wives were watching the children. The concept is great. A boy raised by sharks in the hollow of a mythical shark island. Lava Girl, possessor of ultimate power, but destroying of everything she touches. Even the quirky grade school teacher, Mr. Electricidad, promised a humorous and different story. Perhaps there should have been one more hot tub bong-hit session, to make a second draft of the script. I never want to dream again after watching this movie. I'm on the side of the evil mother and teacher who tell Max to quit dreaming. The word "dream" is uttered 1,001 times in this movie and you'll never want to dream again after this movie. Just take a Xanax and wake up when this movie's over, dreamless and without recollection.

Wall-E (with guest commentary by movie hostess Grandma Pat) ***1/2

James: *** I thought it was exactly three (stars.)I liked it when he (Wall-e)was separate from the sun but in outer space and he got more power. I liked it when Wall-e was chasing toward Eva. And I liked him racing and racing all the way until he found Eva. I liked it when the rocketship landed and poor Wall-e got all hot and burning orange, but he wasn't on fire. And he was like (shaking gesture) when he was rising from the rocks. It was funny when Wall-e ran over his cockroach by accident. I gave it three stars instead of five because I only liked a little bit of the parts. I liked Bolt better. Wall-E was better than The Black Stallion. I wish when Wall-e ran over his cockroach by accident his cockroach would die, but it didn't in the movie.

Jupiter: ***** (Google stars)

Grandma Pat: ***We watched Wall-E the morning of the dryer disaster and after going to the zoo which involved several hours of driving. It's possible that Grandma napped occasionally through this movie. But it was cute. I thought Wall-e was cute.

Mama: ***The beginning of this movie, which establishes Wall-e's world is lovely. The post-apocalyptic landscape, with towers of compacted trash on an earth abandoned of all life, is fascinating in all of its small details. Wall-e is a sweet character at peace with the immensity of his own longing, until Eve arrives. His pursuit of her, regardless of her self-protective (and destructive) nature is so sweet. You really root for them. I've seen this movie several times, on the big screen (interupted by a two-year old's conviction that she needed to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes) and on DVD after a stiff White Russian, so I think it's possible I haven't yet seen all of this movie, but I suspect when Wall-E gets to the human mothership things aren't as interesting. The animation at the beginning of the movie is amazing, but the humans, as doughy, baby-like creatures are over-indulged, visually disturbing and hard to connect to. The ending is sweet though, and I can't blame anyone but myself if I dozed off a little in the middle. I do suspect though, that the movie doesn't completely live up to its early promise. I did love the closing credits, establishing Wall-e in a mythic tradition. It worked on a different level than the narrative and I thought it was very moving.

Bolt (matinee viewing) *****

James: ***** I liked it when the building went on fire and when Penny went to the hospital and at the end when her face was brand new. Green-eyed man got a poisonous shot and was about to stick it in her then Bolt shot out and stopped him, and I liked when Bolt was dragging the cat's leash and I liked when the cat banged her head against the garbage can and I liked it when the kidnapper kidnapped Bolt and the green-eyed man caught Penny in the cage and took her away from Bolt. The funniest part was when the hamster was breathing on his ball and it started to turn white and he drew, like a face on it and you could see the building through it. It's better than Kit Kittredge but Journey to the Center of the Earth is the best.

Jupiter (age 4):*****(81 stars) I liked it when the cat banged against the mailbox and I liked it when Bolt got hooked onto a string and I liked it when he tied the cat. I liked it when the human said to Bolt, "Oh, sweetie, are you lost?" and then he ran away when she put him on a leash, and I liked it when the cat jumped off the train. I like it when Bolt hit Cat on the head and when cat hit Bolt on the head and when he didn't know what blood was. He was like, "What's that red stuff coming out of my paw?" and the cat said, "It's blood." I like it when Bolt hugged Penny.

Justice (age 2): *****I liked the cat and hamster and Penny. The cat was funny and Bolt and the hamster.

Grandma Pat: *****My favorite part of the movie was the reunion scene, and I liked how mittens came to be such a good mentor, teaching Bolt how to be a real dog instead of a super hero. I thought it was a real good buddy flick that the kids could relate to. I thought the opening sequence was pretty good witht he girl-hero.

Mama: ***** This movie was an absolute delight. It had everything a kid could want, a high-speed motorcycle/razor chase scene, a girl with cool gadgets trying to save her father from evil villains, a dog with a supersonic bark. But Bolt the dog, like Truman, is really the hapless, unknowing star of a TV show and so is about to embark on a huge search for his identity. That, the knowing critique of the film industry and the buddy movie aspect of this movie is what makes it enjoyable for adults. I love how Mittens the cat teaches Bolt how to be a dog and we get a glimpse of her dog-envy, when she attempts to beg for food herself and gets told to scat. I've got a theory that the Pixar movie is one of the few remaining options for an interesting women's role. Since the male (leading) character is often of a different species from their buddy sidekick, that sidekick can be female, without having any of the complications of sexual attraction (or needing to be saved every other scene.) Ellen Degeneris as Dory can navigate the Pacific with Marlon, with great chemistry, and some antagonism without there needing to be a wedding at the end of the movie. Likewise, Mittens, voiced by Susie Essman to Bolt's John Travolta can be road-trip sidekicks without the need for them to fall in love. The family they form at the end has way more potential than what Cinderella got stuck with.
Oh, and the sycophantic hamster was ADORABLE.

The Black Stallion ***1/2

James: * Pretty boring. I wish when the Black Stallion was taking a swim, a giant sea monster would come up and eat him.

Jupiter: ***** (25 stars) I liked it when the boy got rescued. It was a little scary when the boat was on fire. I liked it when the horse was on top of the mountain. Mama, do you know what a black stallion is? It's a boy horse who's black.

Justice: *****A little scary, the boat was on fire. I liked the black horse, and the boat was on fire and the boy kid. I liked when the black stallion lifted up the boy.

Mama: ****This movie was lovely! The cinematography made surprising perspective moves, the acting was subtle and well done and the script was sparse on dialogue, thus avoiding sentimentality--this movie was truly a joy to watch! When Justice went to bed half way through, and one by the one the bigger kids fell asleep, Adam and I kept watching, seeing the movie through. (We did NOT do this with Swiss Family Robinson.) Before they did fall asleep, and especially in the first 40 minutes when Alec and the Black Stallion are shipwrecked, the kids were gripped. Come on, there was a wild stallion on a boat, a fire and a storm, a boy and a horse in danger of being sucked into the ship's motor, a boy trying to survive on an deserted island alone, a cobra attack, and then those amazing scenes of boy and horse finally befriended, galloping along the beach together. There was also popcorn and second helpings on gummy worms. No one was complaining.

Popi: **** Patient and thoughtful, with great attention to the acting, there isn't ten minutes of dialogue in this 2 hour movie. That's how much the actors communicate. The sinking of the ship was gripping and it's followed by 30 full minutes of silent interactions between the boy and the horse. Just when that premise starts to play itself out, Mickey Rooney enters, quietly but with force and great believability. I'm not a student of the Rooney oeuvre, but this is the best I've ever seen him. I think of his "Let's hold a barn dance" roles, but in this movie, I pinched myself several times at the power of his acting. Thankfully, they don't belabor the ending that has to be.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe ****1/2

James (age 6): ***** Cinco. (five stars) That was one of the winners. I liked all of Narnia. I liked Susan's bow and arrow, but I didn't like her and I didn't like it when Susan killed that Narnia guy with her bow and arrow. I liked the witch. I liked Lucy's knife. I liked when they were riding across the frozen waters. I don't like Aslan, because he's a good guy. I like his teeth, but I don't like him. Not a bit scary.

Jupiter (age 4):***** I didn't like it--I loved it. I liked Lucy. I liked her hair. I liked her older sister's hair. The witch was scaring me, when she frozen people. Aslan was pretty.

Justice (age 2): I don't know. (Justy went to bed in the middle of this one.)

Mama: **** Okay, so I loved this movie. I loved the books when I was young, and as for the movie, I was completely able to yield to the fantasy world. Fauns, and Griffans, and Centaurs! In fact there was even a cool female Centaur with a bow and arrow. Tilda Swinton who I've always liked was soooo creepy as the White Witch, with costumes right out of Oz. At the end, she's tawny haired, wearing animal skins, looking fabulously barbaric in her chariot. I tend to narrate movies as they go along, so the kids understand them. I'll say things like, "Who is that lady in white? Is she the evil white witch the faun was scared of? Should Edmund go with her?" On this oocasion, though, I stopped myself and asked the kids, "Hey, guys, is she a nice queen, or not-so-nice?"
"She gave Edmund candy," Jupiter said.
"But she yelled at him," James countered.
By the end of the movie, Jupiter knew the White Witch was evil. "Mama, do you like her hair?" Jupey asked. And then clarified her feelings. "I don't like her hair."
I loved seeing James' growing ability to predict what would happen in a movie. As Aslan the lion, with head hung, ascended the steps to the stone table, and the riotous evil creatures cheered and teased him, James said, "Maybe that's the promise Aslan made to the white witch. That he would die instead of Edmund." This was a completely fun one, and the only reason it didn't get five stars from me, is that it was a little too much for Justice (age 2) and when Monday rolled around and it was time for Jupiter to choose a movie to watch during the week, her choice (as well as James') was: James and the Giant Peach.

James and The Giant Peach****

James (age 6):***** I liked the rhino and the shark attack. And when the icicles were hanging from the seagull. And I liked when smokey clouds came out of the rhino. And the bugs almost got eaten by the robot shark. And when the robot shark shot a wire into the peach. And I liked it when Centipede was almost cut in half by the pirates.

Jupiter (age 4):***** I like James and his bug friends. And I liked it when he said, "The Peach." He said, "Go ahead and eat some." It made me feel happy. I hated the rhino because it ate James' parents. I like it when James first becomes friends with the bugs. I liked it when one of the bugs was hungry and Ladybug gave him something to eat. I like it when James and the spider save Centipede. I'm going to tell Penelope all about it. Mom, can we keep that movie?

Justice (age 2):*****Five stars, awesome. I like the rhino and the shark. Mom, you know what I like?...I don't know. (disappointment in voice, at her lack of ability to communicate.)

Mama:** James and the Giant Peach is a Harry Selick movie, so it has a similar creepy aesthetic to a "Nightmare Before Christmas," but less goth, and not quite as good. The movie starts with James' idyllic life with his sweet parents. It's almost standard, isn't it--that a child must be orphaned, or at least one parent should die early in the movie. It gaurantees a plot, the kind where the stakes are highest--a child is in jeopardy. Sure enough, James becomes orphaned, but there was something almost whimsical about the vagueness with which these parents are removed: the narrator simply says James' mother and father were killed by a rhinocerous. This kept it from being emotional for my kids, who had just survived the death of Babe's mother several weeks ago. Unlike "The Wizard of Oz," the beginning and end of the this movie (the live action part) was far creepier than the magical world James enters. The abusive aunts were made up so garishly, they could have been from Oz. The sets and situations seemed claustrophic to me, but I have to say these kids were glued to this movie. James was unblinking. Jupiter forgot to eat her popcorn. Justice was riveted, her brow furrowed through the entire movie.



Popi:***I'm with Mama that you've got to give an extra star when all the kids are gung ho. As far as stop motion goes, this one has some amazing sequences, the best in my opinion being when the peach is in the heavens, and the grasshopper begins a celestial musical number. The story, though, was a little episodic for me, and didn't have the totality of vision or character based storylines of Nightmare Before Christmas or The Curseof the Wererabbit. Lots of imagination, though, and the kids loved it. Looking forward to Coraline from Selick!

Nim's Island (Guest Critic: Grandma Pat) ***1/2

James: *** I liked when she was climbing the volcano and when she came down when she got off the volcano, she was really bloody. And I liked when her dad almost sunk. And when she pretended the volcano was erupting but she was really setting a fire in it, and that scared everyone away from the island. And when her Mom almost sunk.

Jupiter: ***I liked the girl's lizard. And I liked her seal. And I liked her. I liked her hair.

Justice: I liked when the girl climbed the volcano. (James reported Justice to have fallen asleep during most of it. Jupiter says, "I tilted Justy's head on me for a pillow.")

Pat: ****I liked this movie. I thought it had elements for both adults and kids. I liked the artistic way they handled losing Mama. It was non-threatening for children, I thought. The mother's boat gets swallowed by the whale, but in such a way--this cartoon thing on the waves--that it minimizes the impact for children. I felt Jodie Foster was fabulous as a super agorophobic and how her primary relationship was with her super-hero character who was an Indiana Jones kind, an adventurer. (I also liked the fact that they had wireless internet on the island!) I thought there was a good mix of people in jeopardy but it wasn't too scary for children. Adults could really appreciate some of the performances. I thought little Abigail was adorable and I think she portrayed an incrediably self-sufficient little heroine. She did all of this incredible self-defense stuff against the pirate ship. When her dad got lost at sea she took care of practically everything. I also liked her magical relationship with creatures, the lizard the bird and the seal. It was fun, I enjoyed it. I'd even watch it again. (Justice fell asleep almost immediately and Jupey soon thereafter. James and I made it to the end.) Four stars.

Babe****1/2

Mama: ****This movie was so smart and sweet. Sure the first scene was scary, like in "Finding Nemo." The mama pig gets marched away from the cold, industrial pig factory and the piglets are forced to nurse a mechanical teat. But the whole world of Babe is so well imagined and he's so cute! This one was a hit. The kids were riveted, especially because they knew the stakes were high.
Popi:

James (age 6): ***** Awesome. I liked it when the sheep was dead and we got to see her really bloddy and stuff and I liked it when the men took the mama pig away and ate her for dinner. And I liked it when they ate the duck's friend for dinner. And I liked it when the man had the gun and was maybe going to shoot.

Jupiter (age 4):***** Good. I like it when the cat gets to stay outside and the pig gets to stay in and the pig gets to drink a bottle. I didn't like the part where the mama got taken away from Babe or when that old sheep dies or when the duck's friend gets killed and aten. And I don't like it when that guy almost wants to shoot the duck. I like it when they get the alarm clock. I like it when the sheep tell the doggie who killed the old sheep. I liked it when Babe went and ate his food and the man danced with him. I want to watch it tomorrow, but can we skip when they carve the sheep and can we skip the mice in the beginning. I do like mice, they're cute, but I don't like the dark colors that were there. I thought it was creepy. Five stars.

Justice (age 2): *** I liked the sheep. She was lying on the ground. I liked the pig.

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea **1/2

Mama: **I loved this movie as a kid. I wrote my first piece of fiction based on (stolen from) this movie at age 8. I remember the mysterious Captain Nemo, that cool submarine, the flooding, the giant squid. It sounds so cool when you sum it up! But my experience of it as an adult left me shaking my head. So boring! So much yaddy-yadding about themes that want to be big, but aren't. The little girls found in it absolutely nothing to love. There was a cute animal (a seal who does tricks) but not enough of him to engage them. As for pretty ladies with long hair, pickings were slim: Kirk Douglas has his arms around two prostitutes in the first scene. I have to admit the most entertaining part of the movie was watching Kirk Douglas as a charicature of a sailor. He seems to have it in his contract that he must occasionally take his shirt off and bare his tan chest. No belly-buttons allowed. Every kid fell asleep before the best scene. And the giant squid scene WAS cool, just like I remembered. There was geniunely lots of tension, the submarine flooding, Nemo carried off in its tentacles, bare-chested Kirk Douglas with a harpoon in his mitts and a dagger in his teeth. Too bad there wasn't more of all that! I did like the sets, red velvet and metal gears, all steampunk like.

James (age 6): *****I loved the giant squid attack. When only a little bit of it was above the surface and those huge green eyes, little green bits of glowing water came shooting out of them into the river--ohhh, that was the best. That was actually better than the giant squid attack. I sorta like the whole movie.

Jupiter (age 4): *I think it's one star.

Justice (age 2) No comment. Climbed all over Mama the entire movie.

Ghostbusters ***1/2

Mama: *Had I seen this movie when it first came out, Signourney Weaver's big hair might not have made such an impression on me. I think she's way sexier bald with a flamethrower in her hand. There should have been more ghosts in this movie and less sidekicks. Annie Potts' voice made an impression on Jupiter. "Mama, why is her voice like that?" she asked. "I think she's trying to have a funny voice," I answered. I secretly suspect I look a lot like Annie Potts.

Popi: **I picked this movie because I wanted to see Bill Murray, and he delivered.. Again this turned out to be more of a boy movie than a girl movie. I remembered more ghost sliming. I thought the kids would like the demon in the fridge and the 40 ft marshmellow man. But our boy liked the demon gargoyles, and our girls seemed to like how excited we were about the movie. Though nothing in it seemed to appeal to them.
Rick Moranis held fast as a strong secondary character, though it was embarrassing to see Hollywood take its medicine and reluctantly put a black man on the team—only to undermine his roll at every turn.

Justice:***** Kinda scary but not too scary, but a little scary. The green ghost he was eating dinner and I don't know, that was a scary part. It was awesome. That means we can watch Ghostbusters soon.

James: *****It was awesome. Five stars. I liked when the gargoyle cracked and started attacking. and when she opened the fridge and there was a plateful of a goblin and fireflames.

Jupiter: *****I do want to watch it again. I don't know what I thought of it. I liked it when there was a man and he was climbing in his car and he saw a rotten skeleton in his seat. And I liked the curls.

Swiss Family Robinson **1/2

Mama: *** There are some genuinely tense moments in this movie for kids to love: the shipwreck scene, the raft scene where the family navigates through waves and rocks to try and get to shore, the swamp snake scene! Also, lots of animal antics. But at some point I started wondering, aren't there any girls (besides the Mother) in this movie? I glanced at Jupiter nervously. Her pleasure in movie viewing is often connected to how pretty the main character's hair is and what kind of high-heels she has on, and what accesories she carries, and there was no sign 45 minutes in to there being any girl characters with pretty hair showing up anytime soon. "Don't I remember a girl in this movie?" I asked Adam. And sure enough, we got our girl. This movie was made in 1960, so the female characters are insipid at best, pathetic at worst, with no chance for growth or redemption by the end of the movie. Roberta, though a good shot, uses her marksmanship to play one suitor against another, and never takes aim at a single pirate. I know if the movie was remade with Lindsay Lohan, she'd kick way more but by the end of the movie.
Oh, James MacArthur who later in his career will play Detective Danny Williams from "Hawaii 5-0," looked studly without his shirt on.

Popi:***Disney crack for a little boy: giant snake attack, a tiger disposable pirates coconut hand grenades, a shark, big dogs swinging from vines, a wild animal race filmed at double speed, etc. For little girls there’s almost nothing. There was a cute monkey. For adults, the movie would help you understand your grandparents’ protestant work ethic, irreligious belief in a higher power and sense of dominion over a world that has no other purpose than to serve them. It would also help you understand the corset, the parasol and the vapors.

James: * It was boring. I liked the ship in the storm. (he fell asleep before the giant snake pulled one of the brothers under the water.)

Jupiter: I don't remember it. (She fell asleep before we discover the boy they rescue from pirates is really a girl.)

Justice, age 2: **I liked it but it was a little bit boring.

The Wizard of Oz ***

James (age 6): ***** I like the hourglass part, where Dorothy was going to die.

Jupiter (age 4): ** It was too long. I liked Dorothy and Toto.
I liked the nice witch. I liked when Toto was running away with Dorothy.
On Dec. 6, 2008 Jupiter requested the ranking of The Wizard of Oz to be raised from two stars to google stars. It's true, she has been ta.king about this movie ever since we watched it.

Justice (age 2 1/2):*** I liked the lion and the green city. I liked the witch and the monkeys.

Mama:* I was Dorothy for Halloween in 7th grade.
So I was on board with this movie, a classic, as a kick-off to movie night. But I spent most of this movie battling my repulsion. I've always had this uncanny valley effect with some illustration and animation--Dr. Seuss completely creeps me out. And as soon as Dorothy steps foot into the disturbing technicolor of Oz, I found myself trying to squelch my "ughs" and "Icks." As a kid I remember Glinda the Good Witch as being beautiful and sparkly. "Isn't she beautiful and sparkly?" I said to Jupiter and Justice, but the truth is Glinda the Good Witch is as disturbing to look at as Melanie Griffith's lip implants. James kept asking, "When's there another scary part?" And, "Is there another scary part coming soon?" And I wanted to say, "Look at that the prosthetic nose on the Tin Man and the greasy sheen to his metallic makeup! Look at the Cowardly Lion's mustardy jowls!" I can't even speak to the munchkin musical number. So much scarier than a melting witch.

Popi: *An endurance test.
I had forgotten that the characters from the real world become the characters from the fantasy world, and that was a sweet touch. Of course I liked the real world better. The sets were right out of David Lynch, especially Oz. I always liked that moment when the shoes were sticking out of the house and Dorothy first put them on. I can't think of another moment that brought me pleasure.
I'd always heard of the comic genius of the actors who played the Tin Man, the Scarecrow and The Cowardly Lion, but I didn't see anything funny. And I remember the flying monkeys as being scary, but the kids were unphazed. In fact those were the most unscary fucking flying monkeys ever. The color was somehow both garish and tedious. The only other time I saw color application like that was in Pyongyang.
I think the kids were curious because they'd never seen anything quite like it and they did seem to follow it it. Though they didn't talk about it later.